the sky is so dark and grey..
its gonna rain..

i wonder if all guys sign their emails with xx?

is it wrong to be different?

yes,

i am that girl who uses YM instead of msn

yes,

i am that girl who would rather skype with her family instead of partying till dawn

yes,

i am that girl who uses the outdated laptop, as long as it works

yes,

i am that girl who does not care about brands when it comes to clothing.

yes,

i am that girl who spends her weekend studying,

because i understand how valuable knowledge is.

yes,

i am that girl who would cry in the middle of the night to Jesus,

because she believes He can hear her.

yes,

i am that girl who is different.

I am that girl who is willing to face the world.

I will stand up again,

because succeeding is not an option.

It is a must.

i remember..
once in high school..
a bunch of boys were sitting down, acting cool..
as i passed them i heard the biggest one say,
" who on earth i stupid enough to spend so much time talking to their family?"
the rest of the gang joined in laughing..
i turned back and said loudly to him,
"I guess i'm the stupid person"
he just gawked open mouthed at me,red as a tomato.
yeah!
just spent two hours on skype with my family yesterday night..
and two hours earlier this afternoon..
i bet there's gonna be another session tonight.

I am that person stupid enough to spend so much time talking to my family,

because i have a family who cares.

i pity that boy

I''ll keep on walking,

taking baby steps..

Believing that Jesus will guide me..

And bless my path =)

know i just realized?
i've had my english speaking skills since the day i was born,
we speak english at home,
so it has always occured to me as my second nature..

then, in 2005,

Jesus decided to send me to KYS..

to get my Malay accent..

yes,

i am now this cina amoi who speaks Malay like a true Malay!

they think i'm Malay when i speak on the phone ==

in 2010,
He put me into MMU..
to be surrounded by these fluent mandarin speaking people.
so,
i think He's trying to give me a chance to get my Chinese accent?? 0_0
which is hard,
i get so lost in their streams of chatter at times..
so much for being a Cina Amoi =.=
but if that is His intention,
i will definately do it well! =D
HAIYAK!!

He works things out for us in a wonderful way..
We just have to be patient n see!

i've been keeping track of a blog by this person named Naomi..
and i am very very amazed by her faith..
it is so strong,
so trusting,
it inspires!
i want to be like her but i guess i still have a long way to go.. =)

I just cooked my own dinner..

fried rice and that thingie mummy packed for me..

it tasted like home..

so i guess,

my cooking skills sorta passed =D

i'm gonna make my own breakfast tomorrow!

eggs,sausages,bread and jam and coffee!

off to bathe and go buy bread..

be right back =)

The image of *** does not matter as much as my opinion of you. I feel nothing but respect for your truthfulness and honestly I am shocked that those lousy scholarship bodies did not see everything I see in you.

reading this always makes me smile.

so i decided to put it here.

to remember there is still hope.

that i still have to fight.

to go on.

i still have a lot to prove.

i guess what you say does have an impact of me,because i respect you.you deserve it.

pretty song =)

You don’t run with the crowd
You go your own way
You don’t play after dark
You light up my day
Got your own kind of style
That sets you apart

Baby that’s why you’ve camptured my heart
I know sometimes you feel
Like you don’t fit in
And this world doesn’t know
What you have within
When I look at you
I see something rare
A rose that can grow anywhere
And there’s no one
I know that can compare

Chorous:
What makes you different
Makes you beautiful
What’s there inside you
Shines through to me
In your eyes I see all the love
I’ll ever need
What makes you different makes you beautiful to me

You’ve got something so real
You touched me so deep
(touched me so deep)
The material things
Don’t matter to me
So come as you are
You’ve got nothing to prove
You won me with all the you do
And I wanna take this chance to say to you

Chorous

You don’t know how you’ve touched my life
Oh there’s so many ways,
I just can’t describe
You taught me what love is supposed to be
It’s all the little things that made you beautiful to me

Chorous(in background)
Everything in you is beautiful
Love you give shines right through me
Everything in you is beautiful
Beautiful to me (to me)

maybe one day a guy wil sing this for me =)

say hello to..

the reason i smile everyday,

the reason i wake up every morning,

the reason for my existance..

the reason i go on even when i feel like i am going through hell.

yes,

we have our occasional squabbles amongst ourselves..

but guess what?

i wouldn't trade them for the WORLD.

not even for heaven i guess,

because without them,

i would not know what heaven feels like. =)

let He who has not sinned cast the first stone..

hello =)

yes, I have this silly smile plastered on my face..

sorta makes me goofy =D

i just skyped home,again..

yes, i am such a manja girl i know...

I attended the Catholic Fellowship gathering just now.

And Praise the Lord,i felt totally at home.

I felt at peace.

When i looked around the room,

i saw people who shared the same faith as me.

I saw people who believed in the beauty of Christ and that He lives in us.

I saw fun wacky people.

I saw who i wanted to be,
i saw people who stayed strong for the Lord.

I saw people who would not judge me based on my earthly achievements.
I saw my new family.
I saw people who view me as equal.

I saw people who care.

I saw people who would be there for me if i need them.

Of course, ths is only my early observation and anything might happen,

but i made friends faster in these two hours compared to my two weeks in class.

simply put,

I'm proud to share this religion,

to share this place where we would always feel secure.
safe in His care, His arms.

I suppose many people who follow my blog would notice my sudden change in faith.

This sudden change,

this sudden obsession.

It's true.

Being uprooted from Taylors,

and more importantly from home for the second time..

Made me grasp around wildly..

For some form of support.

For some place to hold on to.

For security.

For hope.

And it hit me..

"Hey, Jesus has never abandoned you.You have put Him in the bckground for too long"

I believe this might be one of the reasons Jesus put me through these tests.

To test my faith..

To remind me He is in charge..

That when i surrender to Him,

everything will be okay!

For giving me a SECOND CHANCE.

no matter how old i am,

i can always run back to him bawling like a Big Baby.

He won't judge me.

I am His little girl,

for always =)

So people,

keep in touch with your faith.

He has performed miracles for me,

simply cause i trusted Him..

May you find the peace i'm experiencing now.

God Bless =)

first time after coming into MMU that i feel trully happy and settled.God is great! =)

it has been a great day =)

• made new frens
• went for dinner near miss lim house there.
• started the coursework
• going for fellowship

Dear Jesus,
thank You for a wonderful day
Pls help me make more friends at the Fellowship after this
Pls help me also in my assignment for General Practices of Law and the computing thingie..
May You always keep me and family and friends in Your Grace
Amen.

for He is the one who has created me,
He knows not only my past but also the unknown future.

for He has promised never to abandon me

why should i complain when He knows what is best?

just skyped with the family

what would i be without them??

lotsa lotsa love and care,

jessie =)

only He will know what is best for us.

Our job is to keep on going,to keep on believing =)

• i just realized i forgot to bring my Bible.
• i just realized my phone kena the refill ink when i left it beside the printer at home
• i miss home
• i still need to go make my student card,test out my CIMB card and figure out how to pay my fees.
• my printer is not functionng properly [colour ink got problem]

OMG Jesus! How did you ever die for people who didn't even have faith in you?

on a brighter note,

• tomorrow the work for the General Practice of Law will be out,G0d answered my prayers
• class starts at 12 tomorrow
• i talked more today
• Jesus gave me a miracle when He changed the time of the library thingie for my other classmates to coincide with mine
• Even if Emily does not want the wireless,the other 2 ppl styll want it.so RM 25 it is!

Take it one step at a time, there's no need to rush.

i tried so hard to make this bl0g look like those pretty ones everyone has..
but failing terribly =.=
will leave it at this i guess..
haha..
i am back in MMU
i think my roommater got a shock of her life yesterday when i came back..
its was as though i was shfting my whole house or something..
i was brave,
i didn't shed a tear.
And i fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow..
i went for class as usual today..
and something someone said made me stop and think





"wo jue de n hen an jin xia de hor?" [i noticed you are rather quiet]





LOL.
never in my whole life has anyone described as quiet.
ask all the people in my life...


...crazy.loud.noisy.cheerful.frank display of emotion.loves writing.love singing...





these would be the words usually used to decribe me.
Haih.
I suppose because i came in one week later than the rest it sorta makes a huge difference.
I'm styll trying to find my ground.
I'm not trying to be anti social,
I'm just trying to settle down.
Being quiet is my nature when i do not know you yet.
Or when I'm not entirely confident you'll like me yet.
Like my first year almost at KYS,or first few months la.
I'm trying.
Pls give me time.

Jesus,i need courage,strength and faith.Pls? Amen.

i need to go back tomorrow!

don't want to..

i am still scared..

i am still not confident i will survive..

Father,

please give me courage.

Amen

i'm His little girl..
He will protect me from harm =)
Thank you Father!

i was just going through the computer and i found these X)

for those of you who don't already know,

these are some of the many people who kept me sane throughout my 5 years in kys.

many more there are,

be patient while i find ur picts =D

this is Amanda Chang and Felicia Foo.

the picture is really pretty right? colorful and all..

these two people are more beautiful then the colors in here..

they have guided me and nudged me towards the right direction.

thank you very much jie2s =)

say hello to Rizham Rapidai

His favourite color is green and he is one fantastic violinist!

Like seriously, he was the concert master okay!

Being with him givews you the room to go crazy and wonky and wacky XD

This is Daeng Dhamiry and if course,Ashraf Rauf.

Daeng was once more than frens,now its better to stay as frens =D

And Ashraf? I just dedicated a whole new post for him before this =)

This is Amira Isa.
She is my kampung-mate..
I still remember the countless journeys home together..
Of jigsaw puzzles,laughing at uncle botaks and tumpang menumpang =D



This is the sei ji mui picture =)
felicia.amanda.amy.jessica+ miss chew

hello people =)
i just talked to this person on the phone.
i was convinced he disappeared from the face of Earth and he called!
jeng jeng jeng!!

tadaa!!! the big sister playing gun assassin and the little brother being macho vampire-Zoro stunt!

His name is Muhammad Ashraf bin Muhammad Rauf
He officially became my adopted brother on the 5th of April 2006 =)
When you are in a boarding school,far away from your family,
they become family..
It is then that you will not believe the saying blood runs thicker than blood..
for it is the sincerity and love that really counts =D
we have done so many crazy stuff together!

being fairies =D even i didn't have to be in pink

Ashraf is a very talented boy..
The sprints,does distance running(middle),jumps and swims like a fish!
he sings,he plays the saxophone and is very intelligent! =D

the last birthday i could celebrate with him..15th September 2009

oh,did i mention he is a very romantic person too?
not the cheesy much type..but the just nice romance surprise type =)

i snapped this picture and couldn't help finding it very2 nice..
This girl is my bestie,Nadia and she's a great girl too..

they make a cute pair XD

what makes ashraf special is,
he didn't dump his "kakak" angkat aside eventhough he was in a romantic relationship..
the was styll there for me when i needed it =)

he always strives for the best..
and is a mature boy..
but he can be really silly at times -___- (like refusing to go to the matron when he's sick!)
but that's what makes him,him!

he's always smiling..and is always positive..
He always nudges me forward when i feel like sitting in the middle of the road to break down and start crying..
"ala,kalau x reti jawab..kte kne gelakk!!! br bley jawab!!"

he always leaves me something like a sweet or chocolate or a note on my bad days just to make me smile =D

And the best part?
He would pose all those silly poses to amuse me.
HAHA!
he's a real gentleman and will be someone great someday..
i already know..
dia kan adik akak XD
so,dik..
pls take care of yourself..
i doubt you will ever read this or will even know that i have a blog..
but remember that you are special and important,
to not only me but to those who love and care for you..
So my message for you through this post is,
take a break.
RELAX!
you are not a robot and you body is not invincible..
You have already achieved a great deal and there is so much more out there for you..
but pushing yourself like this is not the way..
Falling sick and being exhausted would only push your graph downwards instead of the other way around..
So,
be a good boy and take care okay?
lotsa love and care,
kakak =)

child of my love,fear not the unknown of morrow
dread not the new demands life makes of thee
thy ignorance doth hold no cause for sorrow
since what thou knowest not is known to me

the Lord shall guide me through,
it is my task to have faith..
and leave the rest to Him..
He shall light my path and protect me from what i am not capable of handling.
Amen

i just love looking at pictures like these =)

you know,
this is really my lifelong goal in the end..
to have a wonderful family,
to be a supermom and wife..
and just live happy with my kids and hubby forever and after...
i have a beautiful family as of now..small(dad,mum,me,bro) but happy..
sure there are these occasional squabbles and disagreements..
but ive been happy for all of my life with my family..
n that's excatly what i want for my future =)

day 3 was okay..
it really was..
i went to class with yee sin..
and ordered my notes..
and enjoyed my classes..
have an assignment group..
joined a few clubs..
there is dance class here =)
and everything seems to be falling into place =)
styll miss home but m going back on friday!
whee!! =D
for now, i'll just study hard..
sacrifice a bit on social life..
4 flat..here i come..!

day 3 coming up!
wish me luck peeps! =)

its amazing how the smallest and simplest of things can me tear up and feel so touched..
my mum is not exactly the expert i would call in the computer stuff n technology thingie..
but when i went to kys in from one,
she sent me an email which she took 2 hours plus to type..n now five years later........

MSN!
haha..
i just love her...

and my dad!...

FACEBOOK! =D


so no matter how hard this is gonna be,
i'm gonna fight..
just as hard i fought to get through highchool,
i'm gonna fight ten times harder..
I am gonna emerge winner,with no regrets..I have to succeed







for you,my beloved family, i will =)

well,first day was done and over with..
and??????????????????
i miss home..
haha..
i guess i'm still the same 12 year old who left home 5 years ago..
only to a different place,for a different purpose..
its kinda hard to fit into the groups that have formed here,since i'm one week late already..
but there are nice people..
i just have to pray that they are the right ones..
it was this morning that i felt truly very alone..
waking up on a different bed,no breakfast ready waiting (at least there was food in kys)..
no one to talk to (my rommie had an early class)
no one to show me around..
it was scar..
but later on i met darshini,chan,yee sin..
and it felt as if things would be alryt..
i din join them to eat..
perhaps i just needed some privacy of my own..
but i gotta get the right group soon..
i dun wanna be the person who would end up rotting alone in the apartment room..
Lord,give me strength!

This is my first post from MMU...
i feel..
scared and happy and all that in one..
but the strongest feeling is,
the feeling that it will be alryt =)
I have wonderful room and hsemates..
so,
I hope i have great classmates and it will be alryt =)
fingers crossed!
Pray fr me ya!

Tommorow i will have to pack..
Once again that big luggage bag..
putting pieces of me in it..
My clothes,my toiletries,my favourite family picture,my perfume...
blanket and all..
and of course my panda..
It's not gonna be easy..
Half a year comfortably at home..
And now i have to wrench myself out from this nest...
And confront an unknown place...
Make new friends and go through another cycle..
I must not cry...
I must not let my tears flow or my feelings show...
I cannot let my family be worried...
Malacca..
Familiar place..
I want them to feel that i'll be okay..
Cause eventually i will...
Its just gonna be hard the first week...
When i settle down it will be okay..
Right?
I'm gonna go ,
and make them proud..
All that has past,
the memories of high school,both good and bad,
the scholarship rejections...
Are all over,
A closed chapter..

haha..
guess i'm not even good enough for the local scholarship..
oh well..
looks like ive got no other choice but to go back to malacca..
for 5 years,
again.

i'm hanging on..
just a litlle longer..
hope everything turns out well~~

just because i stay silent,
doesn't mean i don't listen,
doesn't mean i don't care,
doesn't mean i don't understand...
when the day comes i don't stay silent,
you're gonna wish u never existed.

countdown to freedom...
7 days..

and perharps a second chance =)