so,
speech day 2010.
funny how this the only year where i'm not going on stage for an award.
besides form 3 i suppose,
but there was no academic award to be earned in form 3.
even i n form 5 i was surprised by the half colors awards i got.
that was a gift from God.

my conclusion in this post is that SPM is the worst of the three Malaysian public exams i've taken.
haha,
exceeded expectations during UPSR.
did as expected during PMR
and fell short of my expectations during SPM?

anyway,
the list of students who got the cemerlang award for SPM has been announced.
congrats to these ppl who scored 9A+'s or more!

HADIAH PELAJAR CEMERLANG SPM 2009

1. AMIRUL AMRI BIN ABD AZIZ

2. BRYAN WEE YAN JUN

3. FATIN DALEELA BINTI ZAHARI

4. IKA HADILAH BINTI RADZRAN

5. MOHAMMAD SUFFIAN BIN HAMZAH

6. MOHD AFIQ WALID BIN HJ. MAHMOOD

7. NADZRIF BIN BIDIN

8. NOR AIMAN KHALIDAH BT AHMAD TARMIZI

9. NURIZZATI BINTI ZAINAL NAZERI

10. NURUL AQASYA BINTI ANIS

11. RADEN MUHAMMAD NORFIQRI BIN R NORAZARI

12. SARA RUZANNA YATIM BINTI SALIM

13. SYAFIAH MAHFUZAH BINTI JOHARI

14. SYAHMI AMMAR BIN MOHD NASIR

15. SYUFIKA NUR FATIN BINTI ISHAK

16. TENGKU FATIN HUWAINA BINTI TENGKU FAROK HUSSIN

17. WAN NADIRA HANIM BINTI MOHAMED ZAIMAN

You guys have made Arisz proud :)

one of my teachers once said to me,

once is a coincidence.

twice,you're just lucky.

three times, that means u're good.

must not be over confident.

must start working hard again.

must do well.

must not give up on dreams.

once is nothing,

simply nothing.

make it three,than you can be proud of yourself.

love,

me :)

sometimes i tell myself,

erase the bitterness Jess,
and carry on living.
bring only the happy things in life.

and than i realized,

life is like a piano,white keys are happy times,
while black keys are dark ones,
both keys need to be played together to create beautiful music

so i sort of figured out.

each part of your life is like written text in a book.
in permanent marker.
you can't erase it,you would not even if you could.
because that is what makes us who we are today.
we cannot rewrite the past chapters,
but we can always start a new one :)

you can do it too..

i was watching the finale of cycle 14 of america's next top model,
and something the winner Krista said,
hit me.

i do not mean to gloat or be over proud of my 4 flat,
but it made me cry.
it has been months and moths of pent up frustration,
or perhaps years since i was anywhere near the top ten let alone the top 3.

i took one look at the computer screen,
logged in and out excatly 3 times,
and i snapped.
literally fat tears rolling down my cheeks before i could compose myself to call my parents.
finally finally finally,
i can look in the mirror,
look at that girl in the reflection and say,
hey! i'm proud of you.i'm proud of me
what i'm trying to get across to the readers,
whether its my friends,seniors,juniors or some random stranger that stumbles upon this entry,
you can do it too.

when you doubt yourself,
when you feel like you're good enough,
when you feel like there's always someone that's better than you,
when you look life straight in the eyes and say "i don't like you right now",

remember,
you can do it too.
you can,
have faith and
May God bless :)

how do i feel?
hmm..
that's prbably a good question.
n there are a few good answers.

wierd.sad.glad.empty.

and i think empty is good.
i was surprised i feel asleep at 2.
i tot i wud be up the whole night.
i surprised myself again by getting up at 7,
which is usually unlikely when i sleep at 2.
i even managed to send u a text with not so many coherent words.
but im sure you understood it,
cause all u replied in a manner which implied u did.
i fell asleep again and surprised myself for the third time in one day.
i woke up precisely at nine and stared at the clock.
knowing that your plane just took off and transported u to ur next adventure.

empty is good because it indicates closure.
a proper closure.
empty is good because it means im finally,
after all the "finally's",
that im finally over u.
yeah,
im over u as a lover,
the next time we meet,
it'll be on the comfortable grounds of friendship.
or maybe even brother sisterhood.
empty means my heart and soul is free.
empty means i'm ready for the person who is meant to be.
empty means i'm strong
empty means i'll be okay.
and empty also means you'd see a different girl in two years time.

empty is good.
i think i like empty.
a lot.

the PTPTN results are out..
and many of my friends are disappointed by the results.
well,
i am really thankful that my parents have enough for my education.
At least all i have to worry about is getting those grades,
not whether or not i have the chance to continue studying.


*focus jessy focus!!*

cause you gave me wings to fly,
catch me if i fall.. =]

i wanna do more than just fly..
i'd soar
i'd see all that life has to offer.
i want to soak in the joys and pull through the bitterness of it all.
somehow k leen,
your wings came at the perfect timing!

i went back..
and most of the teachers were pretty supportive..
other lashed sharp responses but i guess in a way i'm immune.
they can think what they want,
but they do not understand what i went through.
yeah,
i may not be good enough now,
but im gonna show you what a real fighter looks like.
i had fun talking to the kids tho =)
i miss them lots i guess.

p/s: i learnt that not everything is for us to control and care about.care,but not too much.there's a limit to a person's sanity

p.p/s : there are always those who care.who still thinks you're great even when you can bear to look at yourself in the mirror.

is it wrong to be different?

yes,

i am that girl who uses YM instead of msn

yes,

i am that girl who would rather skype with her family instead of partying till dawn

yes,

i am that girl who uses the outdated laptop, as long as it works

yes,

i am that girl who does not care about brands when it comes to clothing.

yes,

i am that girl who spends her weekend studying,

because i understand how valuable knowledge is.

yes,

i am that girl who would cry in the middle of the night to Jesus,

because she believes He can hear her.

yes,

i am that girl who is different.

I am that girl who is willing to face the world.

I will stand up again,

because succeeding is not an option.

It is a must.

The image of *** does not matter as much as my opinion of you. I feel nothing but respect for your truthfulness and honestly I am shocked that those lousy scholarship bodies did not see everything I see in you.

reading this always makes me smile.

so i decided to put it here.

to remember there is still hope.

that i still have to fight.

to go on.

i still have a lot to prove.

i guess what you say does have an impact of me,because i respect you.you deserve it.

Tommorow i will have to pack..
Once again that big luggage bag..
putting pieces of me in it..
My clothes,my toiletries,my favourite family picture,my perfume...
blanket and all..
and of course my panda..
It's not gonna be easy..
Half a year comfortably at home..
And now i have to wrench myself out from this nest...
And confront an unknown place...
Make new friends and go through another cycle..
I must not cry...
I must not let my tears flow or my feelings show...
I cannot let my family be worried...
Malacca..
Familiar place..
I want them to feel that i'll be okay..
Cause eventually i will...
Its just gonna be hard the first week...
When i settle down it will be okay..
Right?
I'm gonna go ,
and make them proud..
All that has past,
the memories of high school,both good and bad,
the scholarship rejections...
Are all over,
A closed chapter..

i tink i scared my mum..
i haven't cried in front of her since i was like 5..
its okay,
i'm okay now..
i have people who care..


i can't make you choose me, but i'll make you regret you did not.

All Smiles Again =)

Hello world!~~

I'm back and smiling =)

this is my 80th post so i decided to make a nice pretty one in contrast to my last post..

haha..things are getting better..

or rather i am begining to look at it in the different light..

being me, i get tired when i try to stay upset for too long..

the sour faces and frowns and snapping at people i love would eventually leave me feeling, well, guilty..

So yeah..

I'll continue on this road with my head held high..

I have done my best and i shall have no regrets..

The road is still long and i have so much to stay positive for..

Why should i follow the footsteps of onother,

when i can create a path of my own? =)



p/s: to all those people who might be reading this and feeling down, breathe..

and know what? go stare at the stars or stare at the clouds..

sing a song and smile again =)

change

my hair!!! from super long hair of 3 and the half years to short layered hair to super duper short bob hairstyle hair!! my hair!!! omg..i dun really know wat to feel.. my first emotion was to punch the hair dresser's nose when she chopped off my pretty fringe =(( waaaaaa!!! the hair was realy okay until she killed the favourite part of my fringe =.= haiyer..but my hair wasn't that all bad i guess..it was okay la..the funniest reaction i got was probably from my beloved brother la..

*he walks down the stairs*

aiy0 jie!!! what happened to your hair?!?! u look so different alredy!!!

*i look at him*

bursts out laughing!!! haiyer, that bad meh my hair?

then i go to school on monday..enters class,kelvin is asleep..zzzzzz...then i go out to the corridor to check n see whether there are any cute guys frm the march intake *winks* yi jun walks past me, totally no reaction! haha.. nimitra's reaction was probably ranked number two on the funny list!

*gasps!!!*jess!!!!!!*bursts out laughing like crazy and gives me a big hug*awesome la your hair!!!*starts laughing all over again*

haha..zhen hong's reaction was much more subtle la..he was like..very nice very nice..hehe..i actually think he's sincere =) nich0las's reaction was third funny on the list..

*walking towards MPH with Aish*

"nick, where is our class ah? the whole row of classes like empty leh..got any change of venue o not?"

"how i know? i was not infor........jess!! u cut your hair!! *smiles very proudly of himself* i swear he was proud that he noticed!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

haha..the funniest part about my haircut is actually the reaction i recieve from everyone..yeah, some might think its ugly or what not..but to me, i feel lighter and younger.my mummy thinks i look ver much more my age with this hairstyle! i;ve been looking too matured for a very long time =)

x0x0

jessy =)