1,2,3 4 and 1,2,3....
wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
i had SOOOOOO much fun dancing yesterday!!!
thre were new faces today and i surely hope to see many more!!!
dun want anyone to miss out on the joy of dancing that's fr sure =)
it was just so so so so fun!!!
haha..dancing in time and even when you're out of time...
happy3! =)
now its back to soci0 and ec0ns..
blergh.
like omg g0d lah!(lol i sound like aish)
this 70th post is gonna be a crazily emo one..
I'm like 15 minutes away from the scholarship award thing..
and current mood :GAH!!!! NOT GOOD!
blergh..
okay fine...
i'm sorta mollified by the fact that i just went to mcd with aish to get a Mcflurry..=)
it keeps me happy, like a kiddie on Christmas morning like how i like to put it..
BUT!
it didn't last very long..
blergh..
i feel very intellectually incapable of absorbing any fact regarding sociology and economics..
econs was sorta like acceptable i guess..
too many careless mistakes =.=
the socio test was HORRIFYING..
the teacher actually guided us but it still felt so bleh..
which led to another brain block during maths..
which is NOT good when you're doing stats..
which led me to 4gt a luch date (i'm so sorry! )
omg lah!
i.need.motivation =(
somebody help me pls?...
this 70th post is gonna be a crazily emo one..
I'm like 15 minutes away from the scholarship award thing..
and current mood :GAH!!!! NOT GOOD!
blergh..
okay fine...
i'm sorta mollified by the fact that i just went to mcd with aish to get a Mcflurry..=)
it keeps me happy, like a kiddie on Christmas morning like how i like to put it..
BUT!
it didn't last very long..
blergh..
i feel very intellectually incapable of absorbing any fact regarding sociology and economics..
econs was sorta like acceptable i guess..
too many careless mistakes =.=
the socio test was HORRIFYING..
the teacher actually guided us but it still felt so bleh..
which led to another brain block during maths..
which is NOT good when you're doing stats..
which led me to 4gt a luch date (i'm so sorry! )
omg lah!
i.need.motivation =(
somebody help me pls?...
little surprises =)
it still really surprises me how easily i can be bribed into being happy..
really, im not really picky with things that makes me happy...
n what i know is, material things don't bring me much happiness..
maybe i'd say because i'm not good at taking care of things,
so i don not really like expensive gifts..
if i get them, i'd think twice to use it..
unless its food..but too expensive food does not suit my taste either..
that's why i appreciate simple things the most..
like notes and photographs and letters and of course,
memories..
that's definately what i'm best at...
so..
let's see..
happy list?? in no particular order
really, im not really picky with things that makes me happy...
n what i know is, material things don't bring me much happiness..
maybe i'd say because i'm not good at taking care of things,
so i don not really like expensive gifts..
if i get them, i'd think twice to use it..
unless its food..but too expensive food does not suit my taste either..
that's why i appreciate simple things the most..
like notes and photographs and letters and of course,
memories..
that's definately what i'm best at...
so..
let's see..
happy list?? in no particular order
- smiles..genuine smiles from those who are happy
- ice cream!!oreo mcflurry =p chocolates!
- nice ppl n nice conversations =)
- when ppl notice small things bout me =)
- home cooked food!!
- hyper times and conversations with family and friends
- nice warm bed at night in a cold room =p
- stars and rainbows..
- simple gifts, especially handmade ones...gifts that given because they rmbr me =)
da da dee da da da da da dee da..
i'm tired..like exhausted..literally...
it has been one hell of a day..
i shall not say much, as i'm craving the warm comfort of my bed..
it has started off with much confusion..
and much tension..
but it ended on a happy note..
a sudden tender sweet surprise =)
indeed, it was comforting..
till tomorrow than..
it has been one hell of a day..
i shall not say much, as i'm craving the warm comfort of my bed..
it has started off with much confusion..
and much tension..
but it ended on a happy note..
a sudden tender sweet surprise =)
indeed, it was comforting..
till tomorrow than..
the tale of today..=D
so, what's so special about today?!
DENG DENG DENG DENG!
haha..
its....
nothing actually XD
lol..
i dunno..
its like so many little stuff happened today..
that made me feel all young and giggly XD
okay2..let's make a list!
DENG DENG DENG DENG!
haha..
its....
nothing actually XD
lol..
i dunno..
its like so many little stuff happened today..
that made me feel all young and giggly XD
okay2..let's make a list!
- i drove to the train station today! haha..nothing new but driving just makes me giddy with excitement fr now =)
- i'm done with my moral presentation and it was actually okay! n enjoyable!
- i had a nice lunch =)
- nadia got good news which made me happy =] i like my frens being happy
- my class won the debate!haha!
- we debated abt guys being dominant over girls and in thinking skills and i din feel stupid XD
- I went to the PASAR MALAM! lol..haha..not what la..but i bought THE ice cream..the one that the really old uncle sells..its not really ice cream the like the ice cream type..but like the flavoured ice type..it just brings back childhood memories and makes me real giggly XD
- i concentrated throughout econs class today!
haha..yeah..but there are a few down points of today la..but m nt gonna post it up..no need la kayh! thank you Jesus for another pretty day =)
find a man who call you beautiful instead of hot,
a man who would be with his buddies but with you on his mind..
find the guy who thinks you look awesome in your sweats..
who think you are perfect on your bad hair days..
find a man who would kiss you to silence your sobs..
a guy who would write you love letters instead of buying you cards..
for the man who is contented just to cuddle and have you nearby,
look for the man who knows not only the pleasure of lovemaking,
but strong enough to be by your side while you endure the pain of childbirth..
find the guy who enters a room full of people,
yet his eyes sees only you..
find the man who wants to be your husband instead of just a fling..
find the man discovers the pain in your eyes,
when others see the smile on thy lips..
find the man who looks into your eyes,
and sees you heart =)
a man who would be with his buddies but with you on his mind..
find the guy who thinks you look awesome in your sweats..
who think you are perfect on your bad hair days..
find a man who would kiss you to silence your sobs..
a guy who would write you love letters instead of buying you cards..
for the man who is contented just to cuddle and have you nearby,
look for the man who knows not only the pleasure of lovemaking,
but strong enough to be by your side while you endure the pain of childbirth..
find the guy who enters a room full of people,
yet his eyes sees only you..
find the man who wants to be your husband instead of just a fling..
find the man discovers the pain in your eyes,
when others see the smile on thy lips..
find the man who looks into your eyes,
and sees you heart =)
perfection or perfect imperfection?
a note from facebook i wrote some time ago =)
i dun know wuts up wif me..it already 1.30am..can't sleep..n 4 sum reas0n feelin very jiwang..=) haha..a perfect guy?
hurm..lets see..the list will g0 on and on..
cash..
career..
g0od lo0king..
r0mantic..
intelligent..
athletic..
g0od voice..
go0d sense of humor..
beautiful eyes..
amazing smile..
musician..
caring..
loving..
macho..
str0ng..
pr0tective..
tall..
fair..perfect!!=)
but than again...
i d0n't need him t0 be perfectly hands0me..
girls may n0t leave me al0ne with him..
i d0n't need him to be insanely rich..
only than will we learn t0 work 4 what we want..
i d0n't need him t0 be utterly in c0ntrol..
i need 2 see him cry..be jeal0us and l0se c0ntr0l at times..
0nly than would i be reminded..he is 0nly human..
i d0n't need him to be t0o protective all the time..
0nly than will i learn h0w to live a decent life..
i d0 n0t need him to think abt me & only me all the time..
i need him 2 be rati0nal..2 b able 2 concentrate..2 make decisi0ns when im ar0und..
0nly than will i kn0w i am a part 0f him..s0 natural that it d0esn't need c0nsci0us eff0rts..
i d0n't need him t0 say i l0ve you all the time..
but through his acti0ns will i feel it..
i d0n't want him 2 put up with all my tantrums..
i want him 2 be angry when i'm wr0ng s0 that i will learn..
i d0n't want him t0 be perfectly str0ng and carry the burdens of the w0rld on his shoulders..
i want him to share them with me.. 2 g0 through it t0gether..1 step at a tme..
0nly than will i kn0w he trusts and is willing t0 make me part of his life..
i d0n't want him t0 be inhumanly perfect..
want him t0 be human..warm flesh and bl0od that has em0tions..
i believe a gul needs a guy..
wh0m understands her..wh0 will protect and c0mfort..wh0 will turn to her when he need l0ve..wh0 not only listens but als0 does not brush her aside when he is in trouble..wh0 trusts and is willing to share..one wh0 is wise enough t0 contr0l his emoti0ns but can't help feelin jealous all the same when he sees his gul with an0ther man..a man wh0 thinks y0u're beautiful fr0m the inside..a guy wh0 sees the pain in your eyes when 0thers see the smile on y0ur face..a man wh0 gives y0u en0ugh r0om but reels y0u back int0 his arms when u g0 t0 far..a man wh0 g0es t0 sleep thinking h0w lucky he is t0 be in l0ve with y0u..a man wh0 wants t0 sleep with the sight of y0ur peaceful slumber and wake up t0 y0ur smile..a man wh0 w0uld turn t0 his frens n say "hey!that's my gul"..a man wh0 pr0mises and keeps his pr0mises..a man wh0m he w0ud want to start a family with.. a guy wh0 w0uld take care of her for the rest of her life.. a man wh0 h0lds her tyt when she cries..& most imp0rtantly a man wh0 is l0yal and trully faithful to her..
n0 man or w0man in fact can ber perfect..which 0ne w0uld you prefer?
perfecti0n..
or..
imperfect imperfecti0n?
ill pick the latter =)
adi0s..
gr0wing up..
its 10.56pm on a saturday night..holidays are almost over and once again i managed to waste 1 whole week without even realizing it! so much for the saying "those who dare waste one hour knows not the value of time"..haha..oh well..i'm supp0sed to be attacking the "maths horror" as Aish puts it but well, i'm here,bl0gging instead.typical jess..writing to escape reality..or really?
i was browsing through the photographs in facebook and one of the pictures i found is the one on top..i was tagged by nida,one amazing girl i tell you and it made me wonder..why are we in such a hurry to grow up? time has been speeding by real quick lately..since last year actually..looking back at 2009, i realize how we try to grasp and hold on to the safety of our high school years..the time where we were still governed by rules and could styll turn to our teachers and wardens fro help..not that we can't now..but its college n hey! ding dang surprise! the teacher don't care as much as they used too..they have way too many classes and way to many students to look after and can't afford the one to one time..
so,2009 came and passed without hesitation..laughter was shared and tears were shed before we bid goodbye..with promises to keep in touch and keep things the way they are..but reality steps in and you realize that things cannot be the same..tie and distance forces us apart but makes it sweeter everytime we meet up with old friends. So yeah, why were we so eager to leave? we wanted the freedom but we forget that freedom is a form of power..and with greater power, comes greater responsibility..
i now have my driving liscence..i am a college student..i only have 5 subjects to think about..and i am at home..but why do i catch myself,sometimes and unintentionally wishing to go back in time? i guess i do miss the seurity of my old circle of friends..they know me and have understood me for 5 years..haha..what a party pooper i know..i have amazing friends now too..but sometimes i wonder..why the hurry to grow up?
cheers to all you young kiddos out there..don't rush to grow up..u may spend an entire lifetime looking back..
as for me, i'm still young!! so i'm gonna savour every moment of it and NOT rush growing up =)
signing off!
x0x0,
jessy
i was browsing through the photographs in facebook and one of the pictures i found is the one on top..i was tagged by nida,one amazing girl i tell you and it made me wonder..why are we in such a hurry to grow up? time has been speeding by real quick lately..since last year actually..looking back at 2009, i realize how we try to grasp and hold on to the safety of our high school years..the time where we were still governed by rules and could styll turn to our teachers and wardens fro help..not that we can't now..but its college n hey! ding dang surprise! the teacher don't care as much as they used too..they have way too many classes and way to many students to look after and can't afford the one to one time..
so,2009 came and passed without hesitation..laughter was shared and tears were shed before we bid goodbye..with promises to keep in touch and keep things the way they are..but reality steps in and you realize that things cannot be the same..tie and distance forces us apart but makes it sweeter everytime we meet up with old friends. So yeah, why were we so eager to leave? we wanted the freedom but we forget that freedom is a form of power..and with greater power, comes greater responsibility..
i now have my driving liscence..i am a college student..i only have 5 subjects to think about..and i am at home..but why do i catch myself,sometimes and unintentionally wishing to go back in time? i guess i do miss the seurity of my old circle of friends..they know me and have understood me for 5 years..haha..what a party pooper i know..i have amazing friends now too..but sometimes i wonder..why the hurry to grow up?
cheers to all you young kiddos out there..don't rush to grow up..u may spend an entire lifetime looking back..
as for me, i'm still young!! so i'm gonna savour every moment of it and NOT rush growing up =)
signing off!
x0x0,
jessy
next on the list...
- Jalan-jalan with the family today at mid valley..
- JPJ TEST!!! WARGHHHH!!!!!! tomorrow
- Hanging out with my two favourite people in the world on tuesday =)
- have fun for the rest of the week..
sounds like an ideal holiday plan eih? =)
oh the drama!!!
hey! since holidays are here and more so since the jpa interview is over and no other offers are waiting in line, i'm allowing myself to indulge in the world of taiwanese,korean and hong kong dramas again.I'm just in the mood of giving a review, o these are a few of my personal favourites ;p
devil beside you
this one is a taiwanese series i think. the story line goes about the hero (ah mon) and heroine( xiao yue) in pursuit of their complicated love life. Xiao yue actually had a crush on another senior (ah yi) but fate played a trick on her and her confession letter landed in the palms of the wrong man, or should i say the right man, Ah Mon. This series gives you the thrill and excitement needed to keep you at the edge. It i simply heartwarming to see a guy so tough on the exterior to escape his past fall apart in front of the girl he loves. Perfect example of a good girl falling for a devil..handsome leading actor Mike He makes it even better =p
it started with a kiss 1 and 2
this story portrays the extreme difference of intelligents between the main characters. the heroine struggles on with her low IQ rate and is determined to fight for the man whom she believes is the love of her life. A natural disaster swept her right into the house of her prince charming and the hero finds himself falling in love with her, slowly but surely. The adorable family's efforts of tying the knot between them rubs in a great deal of laughter here and there. The second series describes their life after marriage. However, a second misfortune strikes. Can the husband help pull his fragile wife through? or will his cold character hold strong till the end?
boys over flowers
two men fighting over the heart of a laundry shop owner's daughter, Jandi. Brought up in a poor family, this girl works hard,eats a lot but is willing to sacrifice anything and everything for her family. Landing in a scholarship into a famous school, she stumbles upon the path of the F4, a group of the 4 coldest,richest,handsomest and meanest boys. She turns their life inside out and upside down and struggles between loving Jun Pyo and his cruel mother. So which will prevail? The dangerous devil or the white angel?
a journey called life.
deprived of a mother's love, Kaka turned out to be a wild and notorious girl indulginf in the pleasures of alcohol, sex and drugs. Soon, she meets On,who is touched by her love for her mother. This story decribes how Kaka repents and turns over a new leaf. However, her past does not leave her entirely, it still comes back and haunts her. On is her pillar,her strength. However, his own strength saps out after great misfortunes hit him. Tragic events occured (i dun wanna spoil it fr you) and leaves him lost and helpless. Can Kaka give him the strength and support he once so generously gave her? A trully moving and touching tale which reminds us of the harsh reality in life in a very frank manner.
devil beside you
this one is a taiwanese series i think. the story line goes about the hero (ah mon) and heroine( xiao yue) in pursuit of their complicated love life. Xiao yue actually had a crush on another senior (ah yi) but fate played a trick on her and her confession letter landed in the palms of the wrong man, or should i say the right man, Ah Mon. This series gives you the thrill and excitement needed to keep you at the edge. It i simply heartwarming to see a guy so tough on the exterior to escape his past fall apart in front of the girl he loves. Perfect example of a good girl falling for a devil..handsome leading actor Mike He makes it even better =p
it started with a kiss 1 and 2
this story portrays the extreme difference of intelligents between the main characters. the heroine struggles on with her low IQ rate and is determined to fight for the man whom she believes is the love of her life. A natural disaster swept her right into the house of her prince charming and the hero finds himself falling in love with her, slowly but surely. The adorable family's efforts of tying the knot between them rubs in a great deal of laughter here and there. The second series describes their life after marriage. However, a second misfortune strikes. Can the husband help pull his fragile wife through? or will his cold character hold strong till the end?
boys over flowers
two men fighting over the heart of a laundry shop owner's daughter, Jandi. Brought up in a poor family, this girl works hard,eats a lot but is willing to sacrifice anything and everything for her family. Landing in a scholarship into a famous school, she stumbles upon the path of the F4, a group of the 4 coldest,richest,handsomest and meanest boys. She turns their life inside out and upside down and struggles between loving Jun Pyo and his cruel mother. So which will prevail? The dangerous devil or the white angel?
a journey called life.
deprived of a mother's love, Kaka turned out to be a wild and notorious girl indulginf in the pleasures of alcohol, sex and drugs. Soon, she meets On,who is touched by her love for her mother. This story decribes how Kaka repents and turns over a new leaf. However, her past does not leave her entirely, it still comes back and haunts her. On is her pillar,her strength. However, his own strength saps out after great misfortunes hit him. Tragic events occured (i dun wanna spoil it fr you) and leaves him lost and helpless. Can Kaka give him the strength and support he once so generously gave her? A trully moving and touching tale which reminds us of the harsh reality in life in a very frank manner.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing
throughI couldn't see how every sign
pointed straight to you
[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream
led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart
they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years
I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time
I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream
led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart
they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is trueThat God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I'm just rollin' home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
that led me straight to you
i'm currently in love with this song..weird right? with all the jpa hassle and all..the euphoria that it went well..the disappointment from the rejection from the other sponsoring bodies.. and the exhaustion of too long glaring at the computer screen to gprepare fot the interview and sitting among piles and piles of newspapers and Edge magazine..All through those times, this song was playing in my head. like time over and again.
This interview that actually started me thinking.again =p
firstly,my family is the greatest.to ma and pa, thanks for being the awesomest-est parents alive on this planet seriously. I mean which other mum in the world would actually take one day off to discuss with you the possible interview questions? and also cook you those yummy food and go on the net to look up about 1malaysia? mine would. and my dad? haha..he has the patience of buddha i tell you. I ask him about the middle income trap, he explains it in detail and all..after one i hour, if forget half of what he said and asks him to explain he again. Which he did, untill eventually i remembered. Only to forget in panic 20 minutes before the interview =p and my brother? enough said la..eh sai lou, i posted one whole posted specially dedicated to you okay? in short,
I HEART MY FAMILY!!
anyway, i feel like this song decribes my life.repeat MY LIFE. not my love life okay.
check out this line(s) of lyrics..
every long lost dream
lead me to where you are
others who broke my heart,
they were like northen stars,
pointing me on my way into your loving arms
those hard times really did.back in boarding school, whenever times were hard or things were sucky, i'll just pick up the phone and give my mum or dad a call.It's just such a reflex action. I didn't use to tell them everything, i didn't want them to worry too much. Parents, being parents especially my parents, they will naturally sense the stress or worry in my voice.And i'd tell them what was bothering me, naturally. now that i'm back home, after a lon day at college or after being disappointed by rejected applications, i would just go cuddle up beside my mum. It just feel right. i feel safe.
among others would be my buddies and my kiddos. no matter how far apart we are right now, everytime trouble arises, my first thoughts would be of you guys. Back then, even more. d go curl up on nadia's bed or interrupt sara's studying. Or i'd drop by the studio knowing and hoping that on of thoses rascals wil be there to entertain me. The studion has yet to fail me. There would always be someone in there, as if waiting for my arrival. Even whe its empty, the piano and violion would draw me into their embrace.. bathe me in a sea of calmness or drown me in the loud music of gutarist and drummers jamming.Oh how i miss those days.
Every broken road, has led me straight to every one of you.Thank you for being who you are and helping me to find myself and be who i am today. Every one of you is the small piece that would make my jigsaw complete.
God bless the broken road, that led me straight to you =)
Dear God,
i am scared.
i feel so small, the world so big.
please God,
i really need courage and faith,
and a lil confidence..
i want so badly to do really well..
that i am rather incapable of thinking what might happen if i don't..
i want it so badly and You have ALWAYS given me all that i have wanted,
so i do believe you would give me what i want..
even if the time is not now..
please let me know i am on the right track,
heading in the right direction.
and yeah!
not only me..
there are so many around me who need your help too..
the sufferings i see..
that i feel guilty for thinking how glad i am that it isn't me..
please give them strength and courage too..
they are the most beautiful people i know,
angels that You have sent into my life..
we know that You always do things for a reason..
but imperfect as we are Lord,
we find it hard to understand and comprehend..
bless us with wisdom Dear Lord,
and help us make this fear and pain go away.
although we always forget to say this,
Thank you God for giving us a new day each morning,
and for all the littlest of joy that we overlook.
AMEN
MY FAVORITE AWESOME-ST ONE AND ONLY BROTHER!!!!!!JONATHAN LEONG CHOON KIAT =)
he's the awesomest awesomest brother in the world if you ask me..no other brother can beat him (sorry ashraf afif and zaki, you guys know i love you ryt? but he has the number 1 spot ) he actually waited two whole hours just to get that jpa thingie signed for me.no, what can beat that? =) hehe.. of course,that's not the only reason i love him though. I'd say that i'm very lucky..being the only two children has given us a very special bond,especially under my parents' care. We have learnt to look out for each other and i rarely get into a fight with him. Although he's younger than me, he's really very protective of me =p lol, no wonder so many people think i'm his gf . he'll make an awesome partner though i'm sure.. my five years in kys has in a way damaged my bond i would say and sincerely i feel really bad. Whenever i call home, i rarely speak to him and when i'm back home i'm usually too tired or too busy sleeping to entertain his requests of playing computer games with him. Oh know one adorable thing he told my mum the Sunday i left for kys? "Ma, just now in church i pray that jie2 cannot adapt..so she can come back and be with us again" Well little brother, i have returned now and i want to put the past behind us.I want to be there for you now like every other big sister is. I want to share these late night conversations, i want to make you all these pretty cards i've made for my juniors back in kys. I want to help you in your relationships and counsel you whenever u need it, just like how i've been there for the rest of them I may get the chance to go overseas and if that comes true, we'll be separated again. However i assure you this time little brother, i would not allow sea and land to come between us ever again. I love you!!! =) muahxx!!
i wasn't tagged bt i just felt like doing this (k leen,yes i stole this from your page =D)
1. list facts for 10 different people.
2. don't reveal who they are.
3. you can comment but don't answer to guesses. the idea is that no one knows who the facts are indicated to.
so,ten huh? urm....this is gonna be a brutally frank and honest one.sometimes,after it is let out,it woudn't haunt you anymore.
1) i was actually scared of her for a good erm 3,4 months? haha..yeah..i know funny it seems now how i can bully her all i want.seriously.=p i don't know what it is,but somhow she listens to me..all through her crazy roller coaster tantrums she listens when i say something,anything.even her frens are surprised how i can sometimes get through to her within a shorter time although they failed after trying for hours.okay,sometimes she does not hear it right away but eventually she does =) haha..sure, we had our fights and when i say fights, i really only mean that one historic fight..over a thing that was,well,silly.blergh.but yeah.she's darn protective of herself if you ask me,but in a way i'm glad i know her.And i'm even happier she would let me into her world and help her to start healing.i know it hurts sister though i would not say i understand coz i really don't.cos i'm lucky to be this spoilt lucky child who has not gone through what you have.But i always know that you are strong.but most importantly i want you to know, you don't need to be strong always,its okay to be human kayh? and more importantly, its okay to be a girl sis.=)
2. don't reveal who they are.
3. you can comment but don't answer to guesses. the idea is that no one knows who the facts are indicated to.
so,ten huh? urm....this is gonna be a brutally frank and honest one.sometimes,after it is let out,it woudn't haunt you anymore.
1) i was actually scared of her for a good erm 3,4 months? haha..yeah..i know funny it seems now how i can bully her all i want.seriously.=p i don't know what it is,but somhow she listens to me..all through her crazy roller coaster tantrums she listens when i say something,anything.even her frens are surprised how i can sometimes get through to her within a shorter time although they failed after trying for hours.okay,sometimes she does not hear it right away but eventually she does =) haha..sure, we had our fights and when i say fights, i really only mean that one historic fight..over a thing that was,well,silly.blergh.but yeah.she's darn protective of herself if you ask me,but in a way i'm glad i know her.And i'm even happier she would let me into her world and help her to start healing.i know it hurts sister though i would not say i understand coz i really don't.cos i'm lucky to be this spoilt lucky child who has not gone through what you have.But i always know that you are strong.but most importantly i want you to know, you don't need to be strong always,its okay to be human kayh? and more importantly, its okay to be a girl sis.=)
2)you,the one that i've fallen head over heels with. you, the one whom i endured all the scary stares and intense emotional trauma for.you,the first guy i've ever said i love you too.you,the one who has turned my life upside down and inside out. the 1 and the half years (almost) i had with you was interesting. you made me smile and laugh and be all giggly. you made me feel important,you made me feel special and you made me feel i was worth existing. trully, in the begining, i forced myself not to believe my luck,not to believe you actually cared.I was just terrified i'd wake up one day and fin out that it was all just a lie, just a fluke to make me think better of my self. I've never forgotten a memory,i've never forgotten the promises you made. What surprised me really that i was the one who broke them. Okay,maybe not too surprised. From the very begining i knew that forever was just out of our grasps.And i knew that i would be the one to put up the white flag.You always told me i was strong.Maybe i'm not. Maybe as a girl, my limits could only stretch so far. But i thank you, and i thank you from the bottom of my heart. I want you to know, despite what others may say bout you, whatever the crituques and hatred they have flung in our way, i trully did love you. Don't ask me why or if i still do.Cause i have no appropriate answer for that.aybe what you should know is,i have absolutely no regrets.
3. Ahhh, number 3. I remember the late night conversations. I remember waking up to your call at 2 am in the morning and we talked untill it was 4.i was surprised how much ou actually trusted my judgement and be sure to know that i swell up with pride everytime i see you walk ast her with your head held up high. I feel a surge of love and tenderness everytime i see the pain in your eyes.
If time and place permits, i would have certainly pulled you in my arms and forced those tears out of you.
I remember the random times you'd appear and made me smile to myself.
As i've said before,i'm glad i could be your pillar,and help to fly again.
I'm glad that you have also gotten over that "little problem" of yours.
I remember you saying "jangan pergi" or "blaja elok2" or trying to imitate the sounds i make.
I remember every song i sang for you and i remember the way the sky looked everytime i did.
I miss you and i pray that you'll turn out a fantastic person.
"Self praise is motivation"
You will be a great an i know =)
4) frankly, i don't even know why i chose you to be a part of this list. Maybe i need to let go of all the pain you've cost me. It was you who made my last few months living hell. I was scared and i'm not sure what would that make you feel. strong? contented? satisfied? oh yea i was terrified. I prayed that time would just fly past so that i woud not need to on the same grounds as you any longer. But on the bright side,it was you who have taught me true courage. The ability to act despite of fear. Many view it as me stupidly lowering my ego to set things straight.To me, it was courage. I confronted you despite my accelerating heartbeats and when it was over,i'm glad it was. If you ever read this, although i know you don't want to hear this, i never meant to take him away from you. All i wanted was to love another. Maybe i was wrong, maybe knowing him at all was a mistake. Maybe. But in my life, i cannot and must not make room for maybe's. I hurt him beyond repair and i guess i'll never be forgiven for that. But at least,all my debts with you are paid.its not your fault,neither do i think its mine. It was just the wrong thing to do at the wrong time.
5) my favourite saxaphone player =p back there in that hell, you were an angel
sent from heaven. An angel not only to me but to the person whom i boldly claim to be my best friend.You have the ability to make me feel comfortable as who i am.
When i get all tensed up, you'd take me for a walk,
which you claim to be the only and most effective solution.Hahah..Even if it meant taking a walk at the most akward of times. We never had a fight and you never ever ever ever raised your voice when you are talking to me. You're worried when I am and you make me alryt again. Even if it means sacrificing your phone.
"ala, boleynyerrrrr..."
"ble x boleh jawab, kte kne gelak!!!"
i love you optimistic outlook on life, and i guess in a way i've been feeding or rather leeching on it to put back some faith in myself.
random memories of us would always make me smile because whenever i am in you company,be it for a few minutes or an hour,
you have always,always made me smile.
haha, you're the best i can ever ask for!
and thanks for the panda =)
7)number 7 rocks!lemme quote her for a bit..it goes something like this "i think our relationship is complicated and simple..complicated because it started with mutual aqquaintences but simple because at the end of the day its about you and me". She is definately my tai ka jie!! i look up to her a great deal and i wonder if she actually realizes it. I adore her passion for music and i respect her stand for the things she believes in. She just scolds the hell out a person if they do something wrong but we all know, deep down inside she just cares. Her patriotic feel for the institution she loves is just amazingly awesome. In a way, both of a share a mutual stage of caring for 2 of her adeks.But she, in so many ways, would understand them more than i'll ever dream off.She made me appreciate music even more and in 2009, she gave me the most wonderful 3 months of my stay there. She gave the orchestra more than she'll ever know, she gave us back the light and love for something that we trully are passionate for.
8) my highschool "sweetheart". haha!!!we are always early for meals and always together that the warden always teases that the both of us are "dating" and awwww!!! i love you too darling! *muahxx* blergh.that sounds so lesbian.haha.but yeap! she's awesome awesome awesome! we share a common love for the pool,swimming,music,studio,this particular guy,singing,tangga kejayaan and this thing for being early =D we sing definately, belting our hearts out whenever we feel like it. she holds my hand when we cross roads and claims that i'll be knocked down by a car someday if i don't learn soon =D N she almost always makes me go down for my meals. =) she' strong,she leads with charisma and she's just an angel.
9. This person has the knack of bull shiting with out blinking an eye =D
she persuades and manipulates people kinda easily..
and she ALWAYS asks teaches me to be a little meaner, think more of myself.
I remember our dreams of you,me and the person above visiting each other in UK.
Well, you and her have already secured your scholarships and are on your way day.
I'll join the both of you soon,maybe a little later..
but i will come, wait for me kayh?
you are an awesome violinist
and you kow one thing bout you that i really like?
your determination.
and your family,they really really really resemble mine =)
when you're up there on the political stage, speaking to the rest of the globe,
do remember your little vulnerable friends her okay?
10) Since this is the last one, i'll save it for someone special okay? you may be able to guess the other 9 easily, but i'm guessing none would be able to guess this one. This number 10 i dedicated to one of my most serious crush. He has a really sweet smile,and looks better with shorter hair..although he seems to like his current look a lot more. When i look into his eyes, i just melt. Haha. Yeah, you have another person to call your own now. I knew we would never be together, n i don't think i want to anyway.But it feels good to know that this crush is not wasted on exterior only. You are kind,nice and understanding. You care.
...if i had all the money in the world..
i'll bring my family on a world tour..wherever they wanna go..i'll bring my dad to new zealand and my mum to switzerland my brother to japan to eat his favourite sushi..i just want to see them happy cause they deserve it and it is all that matters..
i'll buy mummy a new phone..a pretty new one that has big fonts and big keypads so that she can see clearly..and i'll get my dad an i phone cause he's so interested in it..ad my brother, what ever he wants la..an iphone also? or maybe an ipod touch..or a new laptop or something..
i'll start calling all the people i want..fist on the list would be mi..i feel s bad for not really keeping in touch like how i promised..but its more of the financial thingie really..my reason for not really keeping in touvh..i can't afford to spend a bomb calling everyone as much as i wan too..but if i had all the money in the world, i would..every night in fact..i'll talk to them..make sure i'm there for them whenever they need me..
i'll buy all the ca-CAN my mum and dad needs..to keep thier health at perfect level..
i'l sponsor my brother's education and the education of my younger cousins..i do not want money to be their reasons for ot being able to go overseas..however, they must of course, do well la..
i'll pay up all my mum's and aunty's loans for the houses..
i'll make my mum STOP working..
i'll give my dad all the money he wants for share investments..
i'll go for dancing classes..latin dancing classes..professional ones..
i'll treat all my friends and seniors who has been so generous to me all these while..i'll buy them a pretty gift for all their birthdays...
i'll do charity..those people suffering from natural calamities..i'll fly there personally to give a hand, to make sure it realy reaches them..
IF I HAVE ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD, I WOULD...
i'll buy mummy a new phone..a pretty new one that has big fonts and big keypads so that she can see clearly..and i'll get my dad an i phone cause he's so interested in it..ad my brother, what ever he wants la..an iphone also? or maybe an ipod touch..or a new laptop or something..
i'll start calling all the people i want..fist on the list would be mi..i feel s bad for not really keeping in touch like how i promised..but its more of the financial thingie really..my reason for not really keeping in touvh..i can't afford to spend a bomb calling everyone as much as i wan too..but if i had all the money in the world, i would..every night in fact..i'll talk to them..make sure i'm there for them whenever they need me..
i'll buy all the ca-CAN my mum and dad needs..to keep thier health at perfect level..
i'l sponsor my brother's education and the education of my younger cousins..i do not want money to be their reasons for ot being able to go overseas..however, they must of course, do well la..
i'll pay up all my mum's and aunty's loans for the houses..
i'll make my mum STOP working..
i'll give my dad all the money he wants for share investments..
i'll go for dancing classes..latin dancing classes..professional ones..
i'll treat all my friends and seniors who has been so generous to me all these while..i'll buy them a pretty gift for all their birthdays...
i'll do charity..those people suffering from natural calamities..i'll fly there personally to give a hand, to make sure it realy reaches them..
IF I HAVE ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD, I WOULD...
ya know this pretty little thing called rainbow? back in kys it was considered my symbol..like jess= rainbows..it just puts a smile on my face when i see all those pretty colours in one bow..i still believe in rainbow power n try as hard as possible to influence others too..i remember putting a meaning into every color of the rainbow for ashraf during his form 3 exam..i'm goona do it again,for whoever needing inspiration or just a reason to smile =)
may red bring the courage you need to pull through the mess in life..
may yellow bring you happiness like everysunshine does after the gloomy clouds fade..
orange will bring out the wacky crazy side in you =D
n green,the loving colour of nature embrace you and put you at ease and utter peace..
blue,as vast as the wide oceans..may that symbolize the knowledge you would inccur in life..
may indigo wash away all you regrets,pain and hurt..
and purple,may it bring your majestics dreams to life.
GOOD NIGHT!
x0x0 jess.
oh wait! i'm not anymore =)
haha..i just realized...
whenever i'm lost..
hurt scared or just feeling down..
even when my best frens,
my parents
and my lil brother can't help me out..
its time to shut out the world,
internet phone and all..
and give the Lord's number a call..
he puts u at peace,
no matter what..
confirmed!
as long as u believe..
and after my "call"
i'll just usually lie back and take a nap...
or go on with my other stuff..
but before i continue,
i always remind myself,
"Jesus went through hell to allow us the cahnce to heaven.He suffered more than any ordinary man could ever have endured. And He was the Son of God..He could have chose not to,yet He didi it without complain..Who am i to complain? The "hardship" i'm going through now does not even ammount to one millionth of what He went through"
i just know that things will be okay..maybe not in the way i wanted in the pace i want it to be..but it will turn out okay.
THANK YOU GOD,
for all the wonders you have given me:
my awesome parents
my darling brother
my fantastic friends from kys
my great college-mates
my ability to write and sing
my health,and the health of my loved ones
the joy of dancing
the endless love and support from loved ones
the world, where i have been given a chance to experience
successes that have kept my spirit alive
failures that have humbled me..
sunshine that keeps my days bright
rain to allow me to appreciate the sunshine more
courage to pull through every day.,.
reasons ro smile..
and enough hellos to pull through all the goodbyes.
oh by the way..
i'm over him dy..
i can say goodbye..
n i can say that when i look at him, my heart doesn't go crazy anymore..
perharps they are right..
he's not the one for me..
so..
yeah..
its okay now..
it really is =)
i can say goodbye..
n i can say that when i look at him, my heart doesn't go crazy anymore..
perharps they are right..
he's not the one for me..
so..
yeah..
its okay now..
it really is =)
..list of things to do...
no 1 : scholarship3! blergh.
no 2 : even if i dun get it now,im gonna get it after a levels!! do not be disheartened jess!! so much more to learn!!!
no 3: be more positive!! be more confident!!! =D
no 4 : read more..all those boring stuff (times n whatnot),,sorry sara darling,i'm trying my best ya =D
no 5 : stop worrying abt the rest of the world.pls jess, u have only one brain,one heart and one mind and like a zillion emotions. blergh.
no 6 : love life more.enjoy it more! u gt to be a teenager only once in my life okayyyyy... (quoting nicholas : do it now lah!! u want to wait until your neck snap when you walk only u wanna do is it? =D)
no 7 : study harder!!! stop being lazy!!!stop procastinating!!!!
no 8 : stop being jealous over every other couple lah..with the exception of a few really sweet ones la =D
no 9 : start praying more..for strength,for wisdom,for courage =)
no 10 : start writing even more..on blogs or just any other place..n make a book out of it..
no 11 : lose weight! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA as if..but yeah =p
yeay!!! i've done this now..n i have somthing to work on!!
no 2 : even if i dun get it now,im gonna get it after a levels!! do not be disheartened jess!! so much more to learn!!!
no 3: be more positive!! be more confident!!! =D
no 4 : read more..all those boring stuff (times n whatnot),,sorry sara darling,i'm trying my best ya =D
no 5 : stop worrying abt the rest of the world.pls jess, u have only one brain,one heart and one mind and like a zillion emotions. blergh.
no 6 : love life more.enjoy it more! u gt to be a teenager only once in my life okayyyyy... (quoting nicholas : do it now lah!! u want to wait until your neck snap when you walk only u wanna do is it? =D)
no 7 : study harder!!! stop being lazy!!!stop procastinating!!!!
no 8 : stop being jealous over every other couple lah..with the exception of a few really sweet ones la =D
no 9 : start praying more..for strength,for wisdom,for courage =)
no 10 : start writing even more..on blogs or just any other place..n make a book out of it..
no 11 : lose weight! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA as if..but yeah =p
yeay!!! i've done this now..n i have somthing to work on!!
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