If I shout loud enough, would u hear me?

Growing up in an Asian community, there's always the pressure of achieving perfection. Excellent grades, excellent degree,  excellent pay, excellent husband and eventually having excellent kids to continue the cycle. Excellence has always been the mantra from day one.

Now don't get me wrong. This constant aim for the best has done me good. Excelling in the things you do will open up doors of opportunities. It makes things easier in the long run. Less rocky winding roads and more smooth straight paths.

And then I entered high school. This was the place that demanded perfection. Where signs of weakness are condemned, failure is severely punished. We were constantly told to be flawless, and undeniably scores of excellent studies.

But there were side effects. Side effects that became one with our being because we ignored the flaring symptoms. We created masks to conceal our pain and our fears. We became so self dependant because opening up meant revealing a weak spot for attack. We couldn't, wouldn't and blatantly refused to ask for help even when we were clearly cracking under the pressure. We pushed harder, stubbornly believing that if we held one for one more day, things would miraculously be alright. We knew that it was not a feat that would be accomplished alone. But we were just too damned proud to ask for help.

Sometimes, willpower worked. We exhale sighs of relief. Other times, we were broken.Shards of confidence n pieces of our heart scattered all over the floor. And we continue shielding these wounds from the world behind a bright smile, silent tears at night and a stream of vows promising to do better next time.

Schools and education in general work in a funny way. Despite the thousands of ways they have been  taught to achieve perfection, there wasn't a single lesson on how to deal with flaws Not one.

We were placed on the tallest pedestals when we did well, but we were left to rough it out when things got hard. It's part of the learning process they say.

Well I now plead to you, educators whom I know wish for nothing but the best for us. Teach us the lessons we need the most. Teach us to ask for help. Teach us that imperfection is acceptable. Teach us to put up the warning lights when we are sinking. Teach us that asking for help is acceptance that we can't do it alone. Teach us that silence won't solve the problem, asking for help will. Teach us that you will be there for us even when we dont deserve it, and that you will be the help we were looking for. Teach us, sir, that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but that of humility and strength.

Ask for help because you deserve to be rescued. Ask for help and you will receive. Ask for help even when you don't know what you need. It's okay to be tired. It's okay to feel exhausted. Its okay to want to cry. So ask. Help will come, and things will not be so bad any longer. Ask.

突然很想要哭。
太多我控制不了的事情。
好害怕。
好累。
很烦。
urgh.

Asking for help

Today i learn that asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

Asking for help mean several things.
1) You acknowledge that you are human and cannot do everything perfect
2) Acknowledgement that you are exhausted to the core
3) Most importantly, help will come.

Once i admitted that i was having trouble,
Paula cut down the number of rooms booked.
Sarah and Sheryl came to the rescue.
Arul called and Thilagen was onto helping me contact Indian teams.
Val was on to contacting Philipino and some north east asian teams.
Robin onto the Sinagporeans (altho he directed them to the wrong email, lol)
And hyewon was on the north east asian teams since several days ago.
Even got pho to bug APU :P From half a world away, I must say that it is quite a feat :D

hehe.

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 2 Tim 1:7 (AMP)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:28-29

Ask and He promised to give.

Ask and He will guide you.

Ask, and you will receive.

Just ask.

Even when you don't know what you need, or what you are asking for, 

Just ask.

And believe what you need will come rolling your way.

Blind Faith

I think that I have been abusing this phrase a little too much lately.

But it is true.

There are currently so many many things that are out of my control.

So many many things that I can choose to stress over and worry about.

Like how to make people pay for MDO.

Like how that two man team wants to debate in an Asian Parliamentary style debate.

Like how people keep on telling me I need quality adjs to make a quality tournament.

Like whether I want to stay in debate or venture into something else.

Like whether I should hold on to the familiar to let go and see where the winds take me.

Like flight tickets, and who goes to UADC next semester 

Like how to make these pimples go away.

Like getting that spot for the subject next semester.

Like who my mooting partner is going to be.

Like where I should intern and whom I should chamber with.

Like how to make myself stand out.

Seriously, I can go on all day.

So I choose blind faith.

I choose to close my eyes and take a leap of faith.

I choose to trust God even in the most bizzare situations.

Because if He can't deal with it,

I don't think I will be able to.

I am scared.

I am worried.

I do not want to fail.

I do not want to look bad.

But I am calm.

Because He has my back.

Because He is Godly while I am just human and weak.

and because He has promised.

and because He makes things work out in the most amazing ways.

Amen!

Singlehood: The waiting season

Singlehood: The waiting season

I will be 25 and still single this year. 

Some may not understand this journey. Certain people think that if you are in your 20’s or 30’s and still waiting there must be something really abnormal about you. Other may say you are living in lala land waiting for God to drop a present on your lap. Still others think you are too picky and will never find a mate.

so what exactly do you do when you are waiting? (in no particular order) These are some thoughts I'd like to leave with you.

1 .   Wait actively not passively

don’t go praying on some mountain in isolation. I can almost assure you prince charming won’t come knocking on your door one day. Get involved in church. Attend single events (preferably organized by a church) If you know what you are fishing for then mingle in those places. If you meet someone from a pub or club it is most likely not going to lead to a long lasting relationship. Do things differently. Change jobs if having a family is more important to you. Change churches if you need to. You can’t look for apples and oranges in a hardware store. If you are available then people need to know you are available. How will they know if all you do is hide at home on a Friday night?

2.  Work on yourself

-     We are a work under construction and always will be until the day He comes. Learn to be a responsible adult. Keep datelines. Be punctual. Make decisions. Live with the consequences of those decisions. Work on financial planning. Invest into friendships and learn to emotionally be attached to people of the same gender and the opposite gender. Have a certain level of independence. Don’t stop doing stuff you like be it sport or joining a book club. When you enter a relationship your world doesn’t just stop. You need to have a life of your own. Deal with your insecurities. Don’t bring it into the relationship and expect the other person to be all that you lack in yourself. That is putting way too much pressure on it.

     3.  Trust God

It’s easy to compare. She lived a messed up life why does she get some godly husband? God, seriously my fertility level is going downhill by the day, when will I ever get picked up from this pool? Don’t go orchestrating your own happy ending, anything that doesn’t get His approval or blessing will most likely not blossom. Don’t go but-ing God. But he is good looking. But he can take care of me. But he is such a gentleman. But he is this and he is that. Don’t compromise your standards. If you have given yourself physically to someone don’t feel obligated to make it work because you can't bring yourself to tell your future husband that you failed to keep yourself for him. God is a god of second chances

4.   Set aside pre-conceived ideas

Just because you come from a happy home doesn’t mean he can’t be from a dysfunctional one. Your life partner will most likely complete you and sometimes for that effect to be achieved he may be of a totally opposite upbringing. It is not always a bad thing. Guys, your wife doesn’t need to look like a movie star or porn star for that matter. There are things you can live without. Trust me J  

5.  Take your time

Don’t enter a relationship out of convenience. Oh but we’ve known each other for a long time. This is a familiar place. My family likes him. But he is good husband material. But we have all the same hobbies. But Im tired of investing into new friendships and getting to know new people.  So what is 20 or 30 years of waiting may I ask compared to a lifetime together? Would you rather be happily stuck to someone or miserably stuck to someone?

6.   Set boundaries

Decide what you will and will not do whilst looking. Dress modestly. Check your motives. Remain pure. Relationships are hard. That is the reality. The more baggage you drag from your past the harder it’s going to be to climb up that mountain. Don’t go leading people on. Tell someone as early as you find out if you think it is not going to work. Don’t just go dating random people. Have an end in mind. If marriage is not in mind don’t date. There are heaps of guys out there who are in it for a good time and not committed to take care of you for the rest of your life.

7.  Know what you’re looking for

you don’t need a humongous list. You attract people that are like minded. Look at your closest circle of friends. You are combination of them all to a certain extend. If spiritual leadership is what you are after it can be the only thing on your list. You can live with a guy that doesn’t look like Brad Pitt. You don’t need someone tall dark handsome with 6 packs. Be reasonable. If you are not perfect ( and I hope you know that by now) why go imposing that requirement on your other half

8.  Surrender

-You may need to come to a place where you say God if it is your will for me to be single, single I will be. Being single I believe is way better than marrying the wrong person. Just because your wishes aren’t fulfilled it doesn’t give you an excuse to stop loving Him. Everybody has a different script. It would be boring if all the love stories on earth were all the same.  It is your journey. Written for you. Strife in your season of waiting. Learn everything He wants you to learn from it. Don’t wait out of frustration. Don’t be so desperate you read all the wrong signals just because some guy or girl smiles at you. Girls, it is not your job to pursue. A guy that doesn’t have the guts to tell you his intentions will not be able to head the family. Surrender your flesh, the ticking biological clock, the longing for partnership, the need to build a family. Surrender your thoughts. Be prayerful. Listen when he speaks. There are many voices in the world but there is only One person you need to please and one voice you need to tune into.

If you are single and still waiting let me encourage you to enjoy this season as oppose to despise it. Singlehood is a blessing not a curse. All works for good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose. If you know you are called to ministry the two of you may just have a complete set of weapons to fight. Iron sharpens iron. And remember He is your Father, He who laid down his life for you. He who knows the number of hairs on your head. He who looks into the tiny lil details of your life. Will he deny you any good gift or not grant you the desires of your heart?

If this speaks to you then all I can say is I do understand. I understand if sometimes you can’t help but question yourself. Whether there is anything wrong with you. I understand how you may feel lonely at times especially when you are around couples or families. I understand that longing to belong to someone. But let us not loose heart in this journey of waiting.

2013, to be a virtuous woman.

- credits to http://newme-hislilgirl.blogspot.com/

i love her view on life, her unshakable faith in God and just how strong a woman she is at only 25. 

here's to being a Godly woman like her.

Amen

Day 2

Today I am thankful for new experiences.

For the various adventures that God places in my path.

For the random events that I am involved in.

Grateful for the adventure and loving the ride :)

Day 1

Today I am thankful for gifts

Gifts that come wrapped in pretty paper.

Or even those that are merely wrapped in newspaper.

Gifts with pretty ribbons.

Gifts that are bought.

Gifts that are handmade.

but most of all,

Gifts that cannot be wrapped at all.

Gifts like joy, peace, happiness and love.

Those that cannot be seen by the eye, but must be felt with the heart.

I am thankful for the physical gift itself,

but even more thankful for the thought and effort behind it.

thankyou for all the lovely gifts people.

*mega virtual hugs*

Project 365 Things I Am Thankful For

Maybe it's cause I haven't been involved in a "me" orientated project for a while.

Maybe it's because I finally have a smart phone and instagram which will help this project be a success.

Maybe it's because I wanna set a goal, achieve it.

Maybe it's because I wanna do something fun :)

I've come to realize that too often we get too caught up in problems and troubles of life to remember to give thanks.

We forget the beauty that life has to offer if only we calm down and decide to take a look.

We forget that being alive and having whatever we have is God's greatest gifts.

We allow the darkness of doubt to cover up the beauty of sunrise.

So thus this idea.

365 Things I'm thankful for.

365 days, one thing to be grateful for each day.

May 2013 bring happier memories and better things.

Cheers!