Singlehood: The waiting season

Singlehood: The waiting season

I will be 25 and still single this year. 

Some may not understand this journey. Certain people think that if you are in your 20’s or 30’s and still waiting there must be something really abnormal about you. Other may say you are living in lala land waiting for God to drop a present on your lap. Still others think you are too picky and will never find a mate.

so what exactly do you do when you are waiting? (in no particular order) These are some thoughts I'd like to leave with you.

1 .   Wait actively not passively

don’t go praying on some mountain in isolation. I can almost assure you prince charming won’t come knocking on your door one day. Get involved in church. Attend single events (preferably organized by a church) If you know what you are fishing for then mingle in those places. If you meet someone from a pub or club it is most likely not going to lead to a long lasting relationship. Do things differently. Change jobs if having a family is more important to you. Change churches if you need to. You can’t look for apples and oranges in a hardware store. If you are available then people need to know you are available. How will they know if all you do is hide at home on a Friday night?

2.  Work on yourself

-     We are a work under construction and always will be until the day He comes. Learn to be a responsible adult. Keep datelines. Be punctual. Make decisions. Live with the consequences of those decisions. Work on financial planning. Invest into friendships and learn to emotionally be attached to people of the same gender and the opposite gender. Have a certain level of independence. Don’t stop doing stuff you like be it sport or joining a book club. When you enter a relationship your world doesn’t just stop. You need to have a life of your own. Deal with your insecurities. Don’t bring it into the relationship and expect the other person to be all that you lack in yourself. That is putting way too much pressure on it.

     3.  Trust God

It’s easy to compare. She lived a messed up life why does she get some godly husband? God, seriously my fertility level is going downhill by the day, when will I ever get picked up from this pool? Don’t go orchestrating your own happy ending, anything that doesn’t get His approval or blessing will most likely not blossom. Don’t go but-ing God. But he is good looking. But he can take care of me. But he is such a gentleman. But he is this and he is that. Don’t compromise your standards. If you have given yourself physically to someone don’t feel obligated to make it work because you can't bring yourself to tell your future husband that you failed to keep yourself for him. God is a god of second chances

4.   Set aside pre-conceived ideas

Just because you come from a happy home doesn’t mean he can’t be from a dysfunctional one. Your life partner will most likely complete you and sometimes for that effect to be achieved he may be of a totally opposite upbringing. It is not always a bad thing. Guys, your wife doesn’t need to look like a movie star or porn star for that matter. There are things you can live without. Trust me J  

5.  Take your time

Don’t enter a relationship out of convenience. Oh but we’ve known each other for a long time. This is a familiar place. My family likes him. But he is good husband material. But we have all the same hobbies. But Im tired of investing into new friendships and getting to know new people.  So what is 20 or 30 years of waiting may I ask compared to a lifetime together? Would you rather be happily stuck to someone or miserably stuck to someone?

6.   Set boundaries

Decide what you will and will not do whilst looking. Dress modestly. Check your motives. Remain pure. Relationships are hard. That is the reality. The more baggage you drag from your past the harder it’s going to be to climb up that mountain. Don’t go leading people on. Tell someone as early as you find out if you think it is not going to work. Don’t just go dating random people. Have an end in mind. If marriage is not in mind don’t date. There are heaps of guys out there who are in it for a good time and not committed to take care of you for the rest of your life.

7.  Know what you’re looking for

you don’t need a humongous list. You attract people that are like minded. Look at your closest circle of friends. You are combination of them all to a certain extend. If spiritual leadership is what you are after it can be the only thing on your list. You can live with a guy that doesn’t look like Brad Pitt. You don’t need someone tall dark handsome with 6 packs. Be reasonable. If you are not perfect ( and I hope you know that by now) why go imposing that requirement on your other half

8.  Surrender

-You may need to come to a place where you say God if it is your will for me to be single, single I will be. Being single I believe is way better than marrying the wrong person. Just because your wishes aren’t fulfilled it doesn’t give you an excuse to stop loving Him. Everybody has a different script. It would be boring if all the love stories on earth were all the same.  It is your journey. Written for you. Strife in your season of waiting. Learn everything He wants you to learn from it. Don’t wait out of frustration. Don’t be so desperate you read all the wrong signals just because some guy or girl smiles at you. Girls, it is not your job to pursue. A guy that doesn’t have the guts to tell you his intentions will not be able to head the family. Surrender your flesh, the ticking biological clock, the longing for partnership, the need to build a family. Surrender your thoughts. Be prayerful. Listen when he speaks. There are many voices in the world but there is only One person you need to please and one voice you need to tune into.

If you are single and still waiting let me encourage you to enjoy this season as oppose to despise it. Singlehood is a blessing not a curse. All works for good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose. If you know you are called to ministry the two of you may just have a complete set of weapons to fight. Iron sharpens iron. And remember He is your Father, He who laid down his life for you. He who knows the number of hairs on your head. He who looks into the tiny lil details of your life. Will he deny you any good gift or not grant you the desires of your heart?

If this speaks to you then all I can say is I do understand. I understand if sometimes you can’t help but question yourself. Whether there is anything wrong with you. I understand how you may feel lonely at times especially when you are around couples or families. I understand that longing to belong to someone. But let us not loose heart in this journey of waiting.

2013, to be a virtuous woman.

- credits to http://newme-hislilgirl.blogspot.com/

i love her view on life, her unshakable faith in God and just how strong a woman she is at only 25. 

here's to being a Godly woman like her.

Amen