i think the most scary thing in the universe is to wake up to find out that you have no will to live.
when i'm stressed and out of words,
i turn to tumblr.
when i am filled with thoughts,
i come here.
.
.
.
.
.
anyway,
i was over at felicia's house yesterday.
and we talked.
goodness gracious me i didn't even know that there were that many things to talk about.
we didn't sleep a wink and i was passed out the whole day today.
we talked about people we love or once loved.
we talked about how high school totally shaped and ruined us.
we talked about how its so amazing that you can love and be hurt by a person so badly.
we talked about our future and our worries.
we talked about family,friends, dreams, our country and lam fung :D
and these are a few very unorganized fragments of thoughts that i wanted to write down before i forget them.
1) People change. I have now learnt never to promise that i will never change. Promise that it will always be okay. that i will be there for anyone forever and ever. Someone once wrote, "nothing lasts forever" and i refused to believe that. At that moment of time, i wanted to believe that forever could exist if i wanted it to. Hey,i am not God. and i don't think i will ever wanna be God. If i think my mind is complicated, his is my minds times the number of people on Earth. woah! ya, my point is that,we would meet people that will alter our lives forever. No matter how brief the meeting might be. A stranger's smile may catch your eye and you might be subconsciously looking for it over again.I have to control my thoughts and words, for God knows how many times things people said haunted my thoughts and dreams. People change. sometimes its okay and sometimes its not. Sometimes it takes a while but sometimes it takes a while longer. There is no switch to turn your emotions off? That's a dwonright lie. We just refuse to use it. but we know deep down inside that it is there.
2) Our lifes are so influenced by the thoughts, propogandas and believes of the people around us. Why? i have pndered on this before and i remind myself from time to time to work things out my way. The way i see things. but ususally, it does not quite work out. I am abit confused by this actually. Why do we need to follow how the public thinks and work out our life goals along those lines? yet if we don't we wouldn't even be accepted or have a life to live with. funny huh? "buat ape balaja kt kys klu stakat blaja kt mmu je skrang?" that statement stung and going back to kys hurts the very core of my being. i would say that out loud and clear. they don't say it out loud but the stigma is there. so know what? people can think and people can talk. that is their right and i respect it. i will not be bitter about that and i refuse to feel sorry for myself. cause there is nothing to feel sorry for. you'd see why when the time comes.
3) we usually fall in love when we are lonely, not when we are ready. aaah, the big L word. it always feels so nice to have someone there for us. Someone to text you goodnight and call you in the morning. Someone to hold your hand or kiss your forehead. someone to hug you to take the worries away. Love is such a funny and sometimes overrated thing. sometimes people blurt out those words without any need for commitment or feeling. i think how i think now is right. prepare yourselfs for Mr or Ms Right. do not rush. you never know when they are coming and yet you shouldn't kiss all the frogs before you finally find your prince. and most imnportantly,pray. Tell God you're tired,and tell Him that you do not think your heart can stand breaking anymore. Then the relief comes.
4) family is the best. enough said.
5) this one i thought about just now while watching greys anatomy and my very *omaigosh* hot derek sheperd. sometimes, running away is not a sign of cowardice. Running once in the while is good for the system. It is alright to cave in and run once in the while. You don't only get a break from your troubles, you get to see who cares enough to come looking.
i think that's all i can think off for now. have a great day people.
i turn to tumblr.
when i am filled with thoughts,
i come here.
.
.
.
.
.
anyway,
i was over at felicia's house yesterday.
and we talked.
goodness gracious me i didn't even know that there were that many things to talk about.
we didn't sleep a wink and i was passed out the whole day today.
we talked about people we love or once loved.
we talked about how high school totally shaped and ruined us.
we talked about how its so amazing that you can love and be hurt by a person so badly.
we talked about our future and our worries.
we talked about family,friends, dreams, our country and lam fung :D
and these are a few very unorganized fragments of thoughts that i wanted to write down before i forget them.
1) People change. I have now learnt never to promise that i will never change. Promise that it will always be okay. that i will be there for anyone forever and ever. Someone once wrote, "nothing lasts forever" and i refused to believe that. At that moment of time, i wanted to believe that forever could exist if i wanted it to. Hey,i am not God. and i don't think i will ever wanna be God. If i think my mind is complicated, his is my minds times the number of people on Earth. woah! ya, my point is that,we would meet people that will alter our lives forever. No matter how brief the meeting might be. A stranger's smile may catch your eye and you might be subconsciously looking for it over again.I have to control my thoughts and words, for God knows how many times things people said haunted my thoughts and dreams. People change. sometimes its okay and sometimes its not. Sometimes it takes a while but sometimes it takes a while longer. There is no switch to turn your emotions off? That's a dwonright lie. We just refuse to use it. but we know deep down inside that it is there.
2) Our lifes are so influenced by the thoughts, propogandas and believes of the people around us. Why? i have pndered on this before and i remind myself from time to time to work things out my way. The way i see things. but ususally, it does not quite work out. I am abit confused by this actually. Why do we need to follow how the public thinks and work out our life goals along those lines? yet if we don't we wouldn't even be accepted or have a life to live with. funny huh? "buat ape balaja kt kys klu stakat blaja kt mmu je skrang?" that statement stung and going back to kys hurts the very core of my being. i would say that out loud and clear. they don't say it out loud but the stigma is there. so know what? people can think and people can talk. that is their right and i respect it. i will not be bitter about that and i refuse to feel sorry for myself. cause there is nothing to feel sorry for. you'd see why when the time comes.
3) we usually fall in love when we are lonely, not when we are ready. aaah, the big L word. it always feels so nice to have someone there for us. Someone to text you goodnight and call you in the morning. Someone to hold your hand or kiss your forehead. someone to hug you to take the worries away. Love is such a funny and sometimes overrated thing. sometimes people blurt out those words without any need for commitment or feeling. i think how i think now is right. prepare yourselfs for Mr or Ms Right. do not rush. you never know when they are coming and yet you shouldn't kiss all the frogs before you finally find your prince. and most imnportantly,pray. Tell God you're tired,and tell Him that you do not think your heart can stand breaking anymore. Then the relief comes.
4) family is the best. enough said.
5) this one i thought about just now while watching greys anatomy and my very *omaigosh* hot derek sheperd. sometimes, running away is not a sign of cowardice. Running once in the while is good for the system. It is alright to cave in and run once in the while. You don't only get a break from your troubles, you get to see who cares enough to come looking.
i think that's all i can think off for now. have a great day people.
yes,
i am onto a new obsession :)
Grey's Anatomy.
that show just makes me laugh and cry at the same time its scaring me.
i am currenlty at season one and i'm loving it.
.
.
.
.
.
.
on second thought,
omaigosh!
i can never ever ever ever ever be a doctor.
i think i'll break down the moment i enter the ER or the trauma ward.
u can force me to sit all day in a room filled with piles and piles and piles of cases and i'll survive it no matter how much i complain.
i can be forced to stay in a lab to examine microscopic almost non existent bacteria and i will come out of that lab alive.
you may force me to do a million pieces of technical drawings and i'll still be able to stabilize myself on both of my feet despite the fact that those drawings probably sucked out the life and soul outta me.
ask me to do accounts, day in and day out and i'll produce quality work at the end of the day although i may be crossed eyed by the time i finish.
but medics?
NO.
i cannot stand the fact that one single slip may tear the aorta of a beating heart.
i cannot bear to think that my patient is in pain and i have to CUT her open to POSSIBLY make things better.
i cannot get called to the patient's bedside and find a Do Not Resucitate sign hanging there.i mean like WHAT?
i cannot bear the sound of people screaming and grunting in pain.
i'd flee at the sight of a dislocated knee and millions of bloddy wounds that i do not know where to start.
and most of all?
i cannot face death.
i cannot see patients slip out of consciousness and return to the Good God even if it means ending their pain.
I cannot bear being paged and sprinting to the ward to find my patient barely breathing.
i just cannot do that.
i may put up a strong front sometimes but my emotional front is mushy no good.
i'd love to witness the birth of a child but only after the mother is happily smiling and the baby is properly cleaned up.
I'd love to watch the process of healing but only if i do not have to see the stitches coverd up by the hospital gowns.
and for that,
i salute those doctors and nurses who do not flinch at the sight of blood and rescue people like they're angels that are heaven sent.
i am onto a new obsession :)
Grey's Anatomy.
that show just makes me laugh and cry at the same time its scaring me.
i am currenlty at season one and i'm loving it.
.
.
.
.
.
.
on second thought,
omaigosh!
i can never ever ever ever ever be a doctor.
i think i'll break down the moment i enter the ER or the trauma ward.
u can force me to sit all day in a room filled with piles and piles and piles of cases and i'll survive it no matter how much i complain.
i can be forced to stay in a lab to examine microscopic almost non existent bacteria and i will come out of that lab alive.
you may force me to do a million pieces of technical drawings and i'll still be able to stabilize myself on both of my feet despite the fact that those drawings probably sucked out the life and soul outta me.
ask me to do accounts, day in and day out and i'll produce quality work at the end of the day although i may be crossed eyed by the time i finish.
but medics?
NO.
i cannot stand the fact that one single slip may tear the aorta of a beating heart.
i cannot bear to think that my patient is in pain and i have to CUT her open to POSSIBLY make things better.
i cannot get called to the patient's bedside and find a Do Not Resucitate sign hanging there.i mean like WHAT?
i cannot bear the sound of people screaming and grunting in pain.
i'd flee at the sight of a dislocated knee and millions of bloddy wounds that i do not know where to start.
and most of all?
i cannot face death.
i cannot see patients slip out of consciousness and return to the Good God even if it means ending their pain.
I cannot bear being paged and sprinting to the ward to find my patient barely breathing.
i just cannot do that.
i may put up a strong front sometimes but my emotional front is mushy no good.
i'd love to witness the birth of a child but only after the mother is happily smiling and the baby is properly cleaned up.
I'd love to watch the process of healing but only if i do not have to see the stitches coverd up by the hospital gowns.
and for that,
i salute those doctors and nurses who do not flinch at the sight of blood and rescue people like they're angels that are heaven sent.
aloha people! :)
so,i came back yesterday and there was this whole drama about losing this something very valuable ><
anyway,
that sorta started me to get on a spree of looking for jobs online...
and i sorta stumbled upon this particular website that interests me.
because it is the only one i found where it does not require me to pay anything.
at all.
in fact,
the real job starts only when you earn 40 dollars through this referral thingie.
its a long shot but i thought i'd just shared this.
since you won't have anything to lose, as you don't put in anything.
so,
click on this and try it out if you're interested!
http://www.earnparttimejobs.com/index.php?id=3150122
i'll be very honest.
if and when you sign up using this referral link,
you'd add to my total earnings by 10 cents.
lol.
so yeah,
thx in advance!
so,i came back yesterday and there was this whole drama about losing this something very valuable ><
anyway,
that sorta started me to get on a spree of looking for jobs online...
and i sorta stumbled upon this particular website that interests me.
because it is the only one i found where it does not require me to pay anything.
at all.
in fact,
the real job starts only when you earn 40 dollars through this referral thingie.
its a long shot but i thought i'd just shared this.
since you won't have anything to lose, as you don't put in anything.
so,
click on this and try it out if you're interested!
http://www.earnparttimejobs.com/index.php?id=3150122
i'll be very honest.
if and when you sign up using this referral link,
you'd add to my total earnings by 10 cents.
lol.
so yeah,
thx in advance!
i have this ability to get panic attacks over the smallest things during exams.
one moment i feel ready for the papers,
than a call,or an sms, or something i read or something someone says triggers my dam of emotions and
*gabush!*
the whole world comes crashing down.
when in reality,
if i take a step back,
it really is still intact.
i think i need to see a shrink.
or just get myself drowned into loud music.
very loud music.
one moment i feel ready for the papers,
than a call,or an sms, or something i read or something someone says triggers my dam of emotions and
*gabush!*
the whole world comes crashing down.
when in reality,
if i take a step back,
it really is still intact.
i think i need to see a shrink.
or just get myself drowned into loud music.
very loud music.
i always think i want all the drama in life.
like on tv.
where the guy gets the girl at the very last minute.
tell her he loves her in front of a million people.
do i really want that?
it's sweet yeah,
i wouldn't complain if that were to happen to me.
but more often than not,
i just want simple.
no?
i need security and a random splash of excitement.
lol.
i'm not making sense.
i just had to write it down.
good day people.
like on tv.
where the guy gets the girl at the very last minute.
tell her he loves her in front of a million people.
do i really want that?
it's sweet yeah,
i wouldn't complain if that were to happen to me.
but more often than not,
i just want simple.
no?
i need security and a random splash of excitement.
lol.
i'm not making sense.
i just had to write it down.
good day people.
somehow,
everytime an exam season draws close,
i get obsessed with something.
semester one was chuck bass @ ed westwick.
this time,
BRUNO MARS
ohmaigosh lots and lots and lots of love for him :)
currently addicted to :
1) Just the Way You Are
2) Grenade
3) Marry You
4) My Life Begins Today.
woots! :)
cheers to those who are like me,
slaving their way through those books!
everytime an exam season draws close,
i get obsessed with something.
semester one was chuck bass @ ed westwick.
this time,
BRUNO MARS
ohmaigosh lots and lots and lots of love for him :)
currently addicted to :
1) Just the Way You Are
2) Grenade
3) Marry You
4) My Life Begins Today.
woots! :)
cheers to those who are like me,
slaving their way through those books!
i am supposed to be studying i know.
i was so knocked out by the bus journey yesterday that i went to bed early,din touch my books also.
bah.
anyway,
i just felt like doing this new year resolution list thingie.
nothing specific,
just some stuff in general :D
i was so knocked out by the bus journey yesterday that i went to bed early,din touch my books also.
bah.
anyway,
i just felt like doing this new year resolution list thingie.
nothing specific,
just some stuff in general :D
in the year 2011, i hope to have better,
1) results
2) posture
3) skin complexion
4) EQ!
5) SPELLING!!!
6) "keeping-in-touch" skills . ==
7) be a better person in general :)
i hope to have less,
1) weight?! HAHA!
2) anger and dislike
3) worrying!
4) disappointments
5) time wasting :0
some stuff i hope to achieve?
1) clean my room like thoroughly lah! (this cny break)
2) start piano lessons again? wanna finish up g8.
3) good MUET results
4) improve my Mandarin :D
5) earn some money somehow? :0
6) read the newspapers on a daily basis starting sem3 :0
7) read more grown up stuff u know like one econs and law and politics and whatnot.(omaigosh i feel old!)
8) join mooting !
things i'd love to maintain ,
1) my beautiful family
2) my wonderful friends
3) faith in God
so i suppose in general that's about it.
to me,
resoulutions aren't supposed to be in the beginning of the year only lah.
should be all year round process,right?
haha,
so what i mean to say is,
i'll add up new target and goal along the way.
kayhs,
will be back if my brain gets cramps :D
xx
1) results
2) posture
3) skin complexion
4) EQ!
5) SPELLING!!!
6) "keeping-in-touch" skills . ==
7) be a better person in general :)
i hope to have less,
1) weight?! HAHA!
2) anger and dislike
3) worrying!
4) disappointments
5) time wasting :0
some stuff i hope to achieve?
1) clean my room like thoroughly lah! (this cny break)
2) start piano lessons again? wanna finish up g8.
3) good MUET results
4) improve my Mandarin :D
5) earn some money somehow? :0
6) read the newspapers on a daily basis starting sem3 :0
7) read more grown up stuff u know like one econs and law and politics and whatnot.(omaigosh i feel old!)
8) join mooting !
things i'd love to maintain ,
1) my beautiful family
2) my wonderful friends
3) faith in God
so i suppose in general that's about it.
to me,
resoulutions aren't supposed to be in the beginning of the year only lah.
should be all year round process,right?
haha,
so what i mean to say is,
i'll add up new target and goal along the way.
kayhs,
will be back if my brain gets cramps :D
xx
so,
i am very very happy and very very sated.
no i didn't have a diamond ring or a dslr or a new car or an iphone4..
but i had the world :)
or at least everything i wanted from it :)
i had my family with me,
i had them in good health and lotsa laughter.
i had 2 cakes today! thanks to my daddy and my cousin brother.
i had amazing lunch and dinner! thanks to my awesome mummy!
i had lotsa wishes from friends and family and people i love!
i had surprise phone calls and text messages.
i have everything i need :)
hello 2011,
i'm glad you're here.
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