Jesus told me that difficult people are good for me.
He says that they will teach me tolerance.
Why is it that all i feel like doin now is give that someone a black eye?
looks like ive got so much more to learn
website design.
persuasive speech
law presentation
I love it when my to do list gets shorter
Now, for some much needed sleep before I attack the presentation slides head on tonight!
And after that would time for some antisocial-ness and pure studying.
And than the HOLIDAYS!
I love my life ,
And I'm determined to make the best out of it J
it is hot.
like HOT.
real hot.
like touch the wall and feel the heat kind of hot.
a perfect day for clothes drying.
but no fun when you are trying to think of a way of writing a speech.
so,
i took a bath.
a long nice cold bath.
and when i came out i started sneezing.
(0.o)
aiyo,
Jesus loves playing tricks on me.
Nevermind la,
as long as You continue to sayang me can d :)
like HOT.
real hot.
like touch the wall and feel the heat kind of hot.
a perfect day for clothes drying.
but no fun when you are trying to think of a way of writing a speech.
so,
i took a bath.
a long nice cold bath.
and when i came out i started sneezing.
(0.o)
aiyo,
Jesus loves playing tricks on me.
Nevermind la,
as long as You continue to sayang me can d :)
the sort of family i have in mmu.
it all started with yee sin.
and it grew into a pretty complicated family tree :D
okay,
here we go.
yee sin is the daughter.
i'm her mom.
lim kuan is her father.
but i'm not lim kuan's wife!
jian liang is my brother,
which makes yee sin his niece
and jian liang an ah suk!
and there's yik wai and aaron mark,
both yee sin's brothers.
but they are not my or lim kuan's sons.
and reagan think's im his elder sister,
which makes him jian liang's xiao ti,
and yeesin's other ah suk?
and there's liza and shien lin,
which are sisters to both me and yee sin.
which does not exactly fit does it?
cause yee sin is supposed to be my daughter.
and of course,
aaron heng is the family pet :)
ah well,
we're simply one big happy *complicated* family.
Praise the Lord :)
These are basically the people that make me whole here.
They are whom i'm proud to call family.
They would be the ones i turn to,
They would be the ones i support.
They would be the ones who would pull through another 5 year phrase of my life.
How do you describe these people?
crazy.
fun.
wonky.
different.
"diverse but united", quoting lim kuan.
they are the ones whom you can trust,
who would be there after one frantic phone call,
who would jump from the 18th floor if the lift's taking too long,
who would erase those tears and put back the smile,
who celebrates every little victory and mourn every little lost,
who walks as this big loud group to habeeb and joke with the workers there.
who attends each others presentations and performances,
although it really is just a small thing.
I don't usually gush about people whom i know for just a short period of time.
This may as well be an exception :)
Jesus brought me to them when i was at my lowest.
He showed me there were still people who cared.
My the Lord bless my "family" here, and take care of us.
Amen.
*okay fine,ill go do my persuasive speech nw*
and it grew into a pretty complicated family tree :D
okay,
here we go.
yee sin is the daughter.
i'm her mom.
lim kuan is her father.
but i'm not lim kuan's wife!
jian liang is my brother,
which makes yee sin his niece
and jian liang an ah suk!
and there's yik wai and aaron mark,
both yee sin's brothers.
but they are not my or lim kuan's sons.
and reagan think's im his elder sister,
which makes him jian liang's xiao ti,
and yeesin's other ah suk?
and there's liza and shien lin,
which are sisters to both me and yee sin.
which does not exactly fit does it?
cause yee sin is supposed to be my daughter.
and of course,
aaron heng is the family pet :)
ah well,
we're simply one big happy *complicated* family.
Praise the Lord :)
These are basically the people that make me whole here.
They are whom i'm proud to call family.
They would be the ones i turn to,
They would be the ones i support.
They would be the ones who would pull through another 5 year phrase of my life.
How do you describe these people?
crazy.
fun.
wonky.
different.
"diverse but united", quoting lim kuan.
they are the ones whom you can trust,
who would be there after one frantic phone call,
who would jump from the 18th floor if the lift's taking too long,
who would erase those tears and put back the smile,
who celebrates every little victory and mourn every little lost,
who walks as this big loud group to habeeb and joke with the workers there.
who attends each others presentations and performances,
although it really is just a small thing.
I don't usually gush about people whom i know for just a short period of time.
This may as well be an exception :)
Jesus brought me to them when i was at my lowest.
He showed me there were still people who cared.
My the Lord bless my "family" here, and take care of us.
Amen.
*okay fine,ill go do my persuasive speech nw*
before i doze off
yes,
its 1.29am! way too late to be up,but i just finished my website!
woot2~
it took so much editing and so much groaning and moaning..
and many trips upstairs to yee sin's and shelly's rooms to try it out :)
dead tired now,
nights~
its 1.29am! way too late to be up,but i just finished my website!
woot2~
it took so much editing and so much groaning and moaning..
and many trips upstairs to yee sin's and shelly's rooms to try it out :)
dead tired now,
nights~
random early morning post
so,
there's this application oh face book,
its called God wants you to know.
And today,
He told me,
there's this application oh face book,
its called God wants you to know.
And today,
He told me,
"that difficult people are very important, - they teach you tolerance and acceptance. If all was going your way all the time, you would become a spoiled child, wouldn't everyone? Difficult people are just one of the ways God teaches us to expand beyond our egos and accept other perspectives on life."
and i was expecting to deal with certain people which i predicted would not be so easy.
walao,
He really knows everything.
Hello,
i have a small request.
I do not need money,or food, or shelter, or a plastic surgery.
I just need your prayers,
all of your prayers,
whoever is reading this.
Doesn't matter what religion you practice.
Because i believe in the power of prayers.
He listens,and He Listens hard.
I'm worried,scared and confused.
The weeks ahead are hectic.
Deadlines need to be met.
People need to be dealt with.
Revisions need to be done.
And my emotions are more vulnerable when fatigue sets in.
I become more impatient
So,
i need your prayers,
Thank you,
you are in mine too.
i have a small request.
I do not need money,or food, or shelter, or a plastic surgery.
I just need your prayers,
all of your prayers,
whoever is reading this.
Doesn't matter what religion you practice.
Because i believe in the power of prayers.
He listens,and He Listens hard.
I'm worried,scared and confused.
The weeks ahead are hectic.
Deadlines need to be met.
People need to be dealt with.
Revisions need to be done.
And my emotions are more vulnerable when fatigue sets in.
I become more impatient
So,
i need your prayers,
Thank you,
you are in mine too.
maybe after you peel of all the layers,
when you manage to reach the real fragile heart,
when you victoriously break down the walls,
and capture what's meant to be yours,
you'd realize that its different after all.
maybe you'd see that sometimes,
the way the actions do not represent the wants.
maybe you'd see the cracks and leaks and imperfections.
and maybe you'd even think that it isn't what you really want after all.
maybe.
but how do you know if you don't fight the war?
a victory isn't half as interesting if you don't shed tears,sweat and blood.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
when you manage to reach the real fragile heart,
when you victoriously break down the walls,
and capture what's meant to be yours,
you'd realize that its different after all.
maybe you'd see that sometimes,
the way the actions do not represent the wants.
maybe you'd see the cracks and leaks and imperfections.
and maybe you'd even think that it isn't what you really want after all.
maybe.
but how do you know if you don't fight the war?
a victory isn't half as interesting if you don't shed tears,sweat and blood.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and maybe,
just maybe,
if you are the one,
you'd see what i really want.
without me saying anything at all.
just maybe,
if you are the one,
you'd see what i really want.
without me saying anything at all.
oh btw,
i believe there's a plan laid out for you.
only the gps is broken and you have to find your own way.
i believe there's a plan laid out for you.
only the gps is broken and you have to find your own way.
i'm not entirely sure what that means.
but in the mean time,
i do believe a plan has been laid out for me by my Daddy up there.
Even if the GPS is broken,
He will send me guiding stars :)
and i will keep on looking out for them.
but in the mean time,
i do believe a plan has been laid out for me by my Daddy up there.
Even if the GPS is broken,
He will send me guiding stars :)
and i will keep on looking out for them.
okay fine.
it has been bugging me for a very long time.
it has been lingering on the background..
surfacing when i least expect it too~
you know that feeling where its like,
you're there but not quite there?
like one more step forward and you're there but,
its that one step you do not dare to take?
like you're trapped between panes of glass.
its sorta closing down,
and you can;t breathe.
just for that moment.
and when i regain control,
its okay.
yeap.
just like that.
its just that feeling that has been bugging me.
its not harmful,
just..
.
.
annoying
i do not know how to get rid of it..
cause the problem is,
im not even sure what it is in the first place
it has been bugging me for a very long time.
it has been lingering on the background..
surfacing when i least expect it too~
you know that feeling where its like,
you're there but not quite there?
like one more step forward and you're there but,
its that one step you do not dare to take?
like you're trapped between panes of glass.
its sorta closing down,
and you can;t breathe.
just for that moment.
and when i regain control,
its okay.
yeap.
just like that.
its just that feeling that has been bugging me.
its not harmful,
just..
.
.
annoying
i do not know how to get rid of it..
cause the problem is,
im not even sure what it is in the first place
its music that brings out the worst and best in me.
it makes me feel happy like a child on Christmas morning,
yet it can make me as emotional,as err.. emotional la.
i dunno what's with me,
my brain is refusing to cooperate with my fingers tonight.
meh,
but aaron's first song nearly reduced me to tears.
for real.
i was that close to breaking down.
i told u,
music just has this thing for unlocking my deepest secrets.
especially songs like that.
it makes me feel happy like a child on Christmas morning,
yet it can make me as emotional,as err.. emotional la.
i dunno what's with me,
my brain is refusing to cooperate with my fingers tonight.
meh,
but aaron's first song nearly reduced me to tears.
for real.
i was that close to breaking down.
i told u,
music just has this thing for unlocking my deepest secrets.
especially songs like that.
Daddy,
i suddenly feel tired.
Are You sure i can bear this cross and bring it where You intend me to?
Cause sometimes i feel like i'm overdoing things.
Like taking too much notice of things that are too little.
What is it that You actually want me to do?
How is it that i let Your will be done in the best way?
Help, I need You.
i suddenly feel tired.
Are You sure i can bear this cross and bring it where You intend me to?
Cause sometimes i feel like i'm overdoing things.
Like taking too much notice of things that are too little.
What is it that You actually want me to do?
How is it that i let Your will be done in the best way?
Help, I need You.
that lecturer was really extremely rude.
surprised me really.
i usually have high regards for educators,
but i guess she just tarnished that reputation.
anyway,surprised me really.
i usually have high regards for educators,
but i guess she just tarnished that reputation.
fedrick, lim kuan, daughter,shien lin,liza, brother,reagan, aaron heng, yik wai,jackson.
you guys have prepared well and i couldn't be more proud of all of you when you walked up front,
you guys looked so grown up,
so matured.
although u were very *rudely* interrupted,
you guys already did a great job!
:)
God does things for a reason,
He's just trying to make you stronger people,
enriched with experiences that would make you people more amazing.
it would be worth it,
just wait :)
you guys looked so grown up,
so matured.
although u were very *rudely* interrupted,
you guys already did a great job!
:)
God does things for a reason,
He's just trying to make you stronger people,
enriched with experiences that would make you people more amazing.
it would be worth it,
just wait :)
p/s you guys are the best bunch of people i'd ever dare hope to meet.and im not saying this simply because of the presentation,its from the core of my heart. :) you people just bring friendship to a whole new level :)
pp/s : daughter, i know you would be reading this, you did great! (^^)
ppp/s : im joining your group next time ppl :)
it wasn't perfect,
but it was acceptable :)
next time i wanna do even better!
p/s : it may seem like a small thing,but it is these small things that makes me smile the most. My friends came just to watch me present.well,sorta since most of them left after i was done.they came even though they could have stayed away and practiced their parts :D u know that feel of being appreciated? yeap, that's exactly how i feel. loved and appreciated.
you are a strong girl :)
how many times have people told me that?
i'm going to keep on living up to that reputation.
Enjoy life Jess,
it comes by only once.
Every joy and every obstacle comes by only once.
If you don't enjoy every moment of it,
you're gonna regret it!
don't try to fill other people's shoes.
don't compare yourself to others,
compare yourself to yourself.
set milestones and targets based on what you do.
the Lord made me who i am armed with a gift of my own.
He must have seen something different in me.
"the greatest battle of men is the battle against himself"
i'm just a little tired,but tired is good.
i haven't kept myself this busy in a while..
i don't know what was the kick,
or maybe i do.
how many times have people told me that?
i'm going to keep on living up to that reputation.
Enjoy life Jess,
it comes by only once.
Every joy and every obstacle comes by only once.
If you don't enjoy every moment of it,
you're gonna regret it!
don't try to fill other people's shoes.
don't compare yourself to others,
compare yourself to yourself.
set milestones and targets based on what you do.
the Lord made me who i am armed with a gift of my own.
He must have seen something different in me.
"the greatest battle of men is the battle against himself"
i'm just a little tired,but tired is good.
i haven't kept myself this busy in a while..
i don't know what was the kick,
or maybe i do.
guess what?
nadia elena called,
and it made my day :)
not that skyping for almost an hour and the half with my family doesn't help,
but talking to her has been,
refreshing.
i miss her a lot la that girl,
even my other friends could see the difference in the way talked on the phone
*i was downstairs cause lim kuan bought shao pao fr us :) tq mr kuan!*
so yeah,
she has been the one whom i really had NO walls with at all,
the one whom i would let my guard down 100%.
no that my other babes are not amazing as well,
but with her,
its just a little bit different,
and that little bit makes all the difference.
i might gush about her sometime later,
bt fr nw,
back to assignments!
*semangat much :D*
and it made my day :)
not that skyping for almost an hour and the half with my family doesn't help,
but talking to her has been,
refreshing.
i miss her a lot la that girl,
even my other friends could see the difference in the way talked on the phone
*i was downstairs cause lim kuan bought shao pao fr us :) tq mr kuan!*
so yeah,
she has been the one whom i really had NO walls with at all,
the one whom i would let my guard down 100%.
no that my other babes are not amazing as well,
but with her,
its just a little bit different,
and that little bit makes all the difference.
i might gush about her sometime later,
bt fr nw,
back to assignments!
*semangat much :D*
..my favourite..
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongdoing.
It does not delight in evil,
But rejoices in the truth.
It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.
There is nothing love cannot face;
There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things that last forever:
Faith, hope, and love;
But the greatest of them all is love.
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
beauty of reunion
i salute these men,women and children,
i salute them for their courage in enduring separation,
i salute these men for sacrificing their country,
i salute these women and children for their ability to let go,
i am touched by the innocence of these kids,
of their sincere longing to be with their daddy's
may God bless them with happy times together,
and may the Lord bless those whom do not have the chance to reunite.
i salute them for their courage in enduring separation,
i salute these men for sacrificing their country,
i salute these women and children for their ability to let go,
i am touched by the innocence of these kids,
of their sincere longing to be with their daddy's
may God bless them with happy times together,
and may the Lord bless those whom do not have the chance to reunite.
its one thing to see little children jump for joy at sight of of their daddy's..
but its a whole different thing when you watch 4 year old break down and cry.
i'll never understand the depth of their pain,
and i thank God i will never have to :)
but its a whole different thing when you watch 4 year old break down and cry.
i'll never understand the depth of their pain,
and i thank God i will never have to :)
Tonight I realized,
It's therapeutic,
cooking is~
i might not like the electricity bill if it comes too high,
but a night filled with laughter and filled stomachs?
its priceless.
and therapeutic.
i'm okay now
and i am determined to stay this way :)
bring it on assignments! I shall not fear thee!
what's being going through my mind..
i can't help but notice that everyone's life is like a battlefield..
but its unique and different to each and everyone..
for me,
i feel like a swimmer in a swimming pool..
my life is like a stretch of blue ahead..
each day is like another stroke forward,
another pull,
another kick.
Sometimes its so suffocating,
you feel like there's no air left for you to survive on..
water enters your nose and mouth..
you feel so tired,
ready to let go.
You than call out to God..
he throws you a life buoy..
it may be the current pushing you in the right direction,
or a breeze that cools your cheek.
You regain balance and realize that you will actually pull through.
The water becomes friend again,
no longer an enemy.
That's the only way forward,
with the current,
not against it.
With God's will..
Not against it..
i have to take time off to realize how pretty the swimming pool is,the one He created with such care and love,only & specially for me :)
but its unique and different to each and everyone..
for me,
i feel like a swimmer in a swimming pool..
my life is like a stretch of blue ahead..
each day is like another stroke forward,
another pull,
another kick.
Sometimes its so suffocating,
you feel like there's no air left for you to survive on..
water enters your nose and mouth..
you feel so tired,
ready to let go.
You than call out to God..
he throws you a life buoy..
it may be the current pushing you in the right direction,
or a breeze that cools your cheek.
You regain balance and realize that you will actually pull through.
The water becomes friend again,
no longer an enemy.
That's the only way forward,
with the current,
not against it.
With God's will..
Not against it..
i have to take time off to realize how pretty the swimming pool is,the one He created with such care and love,only & specially for me :)
here's the thing about living away from home
1.when you feel like you've accomplished something great (although it really isn't), you can't just happily bounce downstairs or through a door to announce that amazing feat.
2.when you face a problem, you cannot afford to crumble and run back to your parent's arms to cry.
3.you learn that cooking and cleaning and ironing really is much harder than what your mum portrays.
4.you feel the pinch and guilt when you spend money.
5.you'd learn that no one is like your family who is there for you unconditionally.there are many funny characters,and even an amazing best friend has their limit of tolerance and patience.
BUT!!
1.you learn to be strong,to get up,brush away the dirt and keep on walking.
2. you learn survival skills.
3.you finally understand the meaning of true friendship,of true brotherhood and sisterhood. The type that resides in you heart and lasts a lifetime.
4.You become closer to God,because He is the only one who never fails you.
5.You realize you actually are able to be a bit like your mum and dad :D after a few attempts, you finally learn that the impossible becomes possible under circumstances.
and most of all?
you learn that homesickness increases over time instead of the other way around.
Dear Jesus,
please take care of my family while i fight this war.
When i emerge victorious,
I shall return home and give them the pleasures that they deserve,
those that You have helped me achieve :)
Amen :)
2.when you face a problem, you cannot afford to crumble and run back to your parent's arms to cry.
3.you learn that cooking and cleaning and ironing really is much harder than what your mum portrays.
4.you feel the pinch and guilt when you spend money.
5.you'd learn that no one is like your family who is there for you unconditionally.there are many funny characters,and even an amazing best friend has their limit of tolerance and patience.
BUT!!
1.you learn to be strong,to get up,brush away the dirt and keep on walking.
2. you learn survival skills.
3.you finally understand the meaning of true friendship,of true brotherhood and sisterhood. The type that resides in you heart and lasts a lifetime.
4.You become closer to God,because He is the only one who never fails you.
5.You realize you actually are able to be a bit like your mum and dad :D after a few attempts, you finally learn that the impossible becomes possible under circumstances.
and most of all?
you learn that homesickness increases over time instead of the other way around.
Dear Jesus,
please take care of my family while i fight this war.
When i emerge victorious,
I shall return home and give them the pleasures that they deserve,
those that You have helped me achieve :)
Amen :)
imagine this.
you stumble back into your apartment,
sweaty and tired,
wishing nothing more that a nice bath and a good night's sleep..
with plans of waking up early the next day.
you put the key into the door and turn it,
you hear a satisfying click sound which signifies it is unlocked.
you push the door..
and..
it wouldn't budge (-_______________________________________-)
yes i panicked as hell,
but kept my cool..
i even took a bath first..
and then i called yee sin,
*thank you Jesus for friends like this*
she said the 6 most assuring words i'd ever wanna hear.
*i'll come over to your place*
we went down,
and told the guard,
who gave us the number of the warden..
who came and told me i had 2 options.
1. break the handle and pay 30 bucks
2. wait till daylight and pay 10 bucks.
of course,
naturally,
i would choose the latter.
so i slept,
on the sofa,
in the living room.
for some reason it felt so scary,
i put on the music player on my phone the whole night
lol
anyway,
its okay now.
i am typing this from my room..
so yeah!
praise the lord!
you stumble back into your apartment,
sweaty and tired,
wishing nothing more that a nice bath and a good night's sleep..
with plans of waking up early the next day.
you put the key into the door and turn it,
you hear a satisfying click sound which signifies it is unlocked.
you push the door..
and..
it wouldn't budge (-_______________________________________-)
yes i panicked as hell,
but kept my cool..
i even took a bath first..
and then i called yee sin,
*thank you Jesus for friends like this*
she said the 6 most assuring words i'd ever wanna hear.
*i'll come over to your place*
we went down,
and told the guard,
who gave us the number of the warden..
who came and told me i had 2 options.
1. break the handle and pay 30 bucks
2. wait till daylight and pay 10 bucks.
of course,
naturally,
i would choose the latter.
so i slept,
on the sofa,
in the living room.
for some reason it felt so scary,
i put on the music player on my phone the whole night
lol
anyway,
its okay now.
i am typing this from my room..
so yeah!
praise the lord!
dear Jesus,
please help me understand that my hardships now are nothing,
nothing compared to those who are living in war torn places,
people who live in fear of their lives being taken away,
or those who wish they were dead instead of alive,
people who live in poverty stricken or disease infested places..
please remind me of how fortunate i am,
to have a complete happy family,
and amazing supportive friends,
for the love and care i get from them.
thank You for sparing me from the harsh emotional traumas of broken families.
Thank You Jesus for granting me and my brother the chance for education,
every time we feel like complaining about how hard a subject is,
how boring or uninteresting it may be,
remind me that there are thousands out there wishing they could read,
praying and hoping they would have a classroom,
an opportunity for education.
Dear Jesus,
thank you for my life,
and for still taking care of me even though i always take things for granted.
I love you :)
please help me understand that my hardships now are nothing,
nothing compared to those who are living in war torn places,
people who live in fear of their lives being taken away,
or those who wish they were dead instead of alive,
people who live in poverty stricken or disease infested places..
please remind me of how fortunate i am,
to have a complete happy family,
and amazing supportive friends,
for the love and care i get from them.
thank You for sparing me from the harsh emotional traumas of broken families.
Thank You Jesus for granting me and my brother the chance for education,
every time we feel like complaining about how hard a subject is,
how boring or uninteresting it may be,
remind me that there are thousands out there wishing they could read,
praying and hoping they would have a classroom,
an opportunity for education.
Dear Jesus,
thank you for my life,
and for still taking care of me even though i always take things for granted.
I love you :)
for it is every girl's dream to be a princess,
for every girl wishes to have her prince charming,
and a beautiful fairytale ending.
.
.
.
.
its hard to remain patient but i would,
i will get my fairy tale ending,
if i can just wait.
In the mean time,
i shall just design and prosecute the bits which i have control over.
:)
for every girl wishes to have her prince charming,
and a beautiful fairytale ending.
.
.
.
.
its hard to remain patient but i would,
i will get my fairy tale ending,
if i can just wait.
In the mean time,
i shall just design and prosecute the bits which i have control over.
:)
and now for a proper post
hello people!
i'm back! (As in back in melaka (-_-'')
and this weekend back home has been an,urm,eventful one i suppose.
1stly,
i got a shock of my life when i saw papa walking like that,
and an even bigger shock when i saw the wounds on his legs.
man,
i just hate seeing people i love get hurt.
sometimes i just wish all the pain would be inflicted on me instead.
do.not.like.seeing.them.in.pain.
2ndly,
i got to drive around a lot.
mostly because i didn't want papa to strain his leg.
and it was actually rather hilarious,
to see the expression on my brother's face every time i said i'll drive.
he would go like..
*huh?!! u drive ah jie?*
haha, i'm not so bad a driver already right jo? :P
3rdly,
me and brother got new phones.
yeah,
they are the cheaper versions of the originals,
but who cares?
both of us are happy enough.
we were brought up to appreciate the intrinsic value instead of just the monetary value :)
4thly,
one must remind me not to watch Grey's Anatomy..
or any other hospital sorta shows anymore.
I was practically in tears after yesterday's episode.
I must have looked rather silly yesterday,
sitting in the dark,hugging my pillow with tears welling up in my eyes.
something about yesterday's episode just reminded me how very fragile life is.
How unexpected things can turn out to be,
how beautiful things can be,
yet how ugly and scary they can turn out.
something one of the characters said yesterday totally struck out on me,
this is the main reason that kept me from pursuing medicine.
yeah,
i usually say its because its time consuming and doctors rarely have a life,i'm a family person and stuff...
but the truth is,
all those i can handle.
i just can't stand death and seeing people suffer.
i just can't.
i despise it.
i fear it.
i fear it from the very core of my heart.
my biggest fear is death,
not the death of my own (yeah,i know this sounds selfish)
but the death of any one of my family members or loved ones.
i fear the permanent separation death would cause.
i may have the strength to get up again after every failure,
but this,
i may not have the courage to face.
my family is too big a part of me for me to let go.
My dad,mom and brother.
They are practically the reason of my existence and being.
i refuse to accept that one day,
that the day would come that we may no longer be together.
i cannot imagine what life may be without them.
every night when i pray,
i'll start with
"Dear God,please keep my family away from harm,danger,pain and separation"
those are the words that form on my lips.
but deep inside my heart,
i beg Him for more time with my family,
i tell Him i still have so much more to do for them.
I want them to live a pretty life,
I want to bring them traveling,
I want to offer the best things in life.
In order for me to be able to do that,
I need time.
More time.
And health,for them.
i know i sound melodramatic and all,
but the truth is,
I'm afraid that when i take things for granted,
that when I let my guard down,
and forget to pray,
The Lord may take someone away from me as a punishment..
a person that i love.
He wouldn't do that now would He?
Jesus,please don't.
i'm back! (As in back in melaka (-_-'')
and this weekend back home has been an,urm,eventful one i suppose.
1stly,
i got a shock of my life when i saw papa walking like that,
and an even bigger shock when i saw the wounds on his legs.
man,
i just hate seeing people i love get hurt.
sometimes i just wish all the pain would be inflicted on me instead.
do.not.like.seeing.them.in.pain.
*Jesus,pls take care of them okay? i promise i'll be extra good.deal?*
2ndly,
i got to drive around a lot.
mostly because i didn't want papa to strain his leg.
and it was actually rather hilarious,
to see the expression on my brother's face every time i said i'll drive.
he would go like..
*huh?!! u drive ah jie?*
haha, i'm not so bad a driver already right jo? :P
3rdly,
me and brother got new phones.
yeah,
they are the cheaper versions of the originals,
but who cares?
both of us are happy enough.
we were brought up to appreciate the intrinsic value instead of just the monetary value :)
4thly,
one must remind me not to watch Grey's Anatomy..
or any other hospital sorta shows anymore.
I was practically in tears after yesterday's episode.
I must have looked rather silly yesterday,
sitting in the dark,hugging my pillow with tears welling up in my eyes.
something about yesterday's episode just reminded me how very fragile life is.
How unexpected things can turn out to be,
how beautiful things can be,
yet how ugly and scary they can turn out.
something one of the characters said yesterday totally struck out on me,
*in med school,they teach us a zillion lessons on how to avoid death,
but not one lesson teaches us how to carry on living*
but not one lesson teaches us how to carry on living*
this is the main reason that kept me from pursuing medicine.
yeah,
i usually say its because its time consuming and doctors rarely have a life,i'm a family person and stuff...
but the truth is,
all those i can handle.
i just can't stand death and seeing people suffer.
i just can't.
i despise it.
i fear it.
i fear it from the very core of my heart.
my biggest fear is death,
not the death of my own (yeah,i know this sounds selfish)
but the death of any one of my family members or loved ones.
i fear the permanent separation death would cause.
i may have the strength to get up again after every failure,
but this,
i may not have the courage to face.
my family is too big a part of me for me to let go.
My dad,mom and brother.
They are practically the reason of my existence and being.
i refuse to accept that one day,
that the day would come that we may no longer be together.
i cannot imagine what life may be without them.
every night when i pray,
i'll start with
"Dear God,please keep my family away from harm,danger,pain and separation"
those are the words that form on my lips.
but deep inside my heart,
i beg Him for more time with my family,
i tell Him i still have so much more to do for them.
I want them to live a pretty life,
I want to bring them traveling,
I want to offer the best things in life.
In order for me to be able to do that,
I need time.
More time.
And health,for them.
i know i sound melodramatic and all,
but the truth is,
I'm afraid that when i take things for granted,
that when I let my guard down,
and forget to pray,
The Lord may take someone away from me as a punishment..
a person that i love.
He wouldn't do that now would He?
Jesus,please don't.
i'm so exhausted that it is a miracle i'm still able to type this.
i am tired,both mentally and physically.
and in a certain manner,
i feel contented by this tiredness.
weird huh?
but after being too free,
being exhausted feels good.
cause you now you have pushed yourself to the limit.
tired physically cause i swam for an hour today,
not much,
but really an achievement considering my stamina.
tired mentally due to debate.
it was MIND BOGGLING.
i did not even debate and i feel overwhelmed already.
our mentor is greatly awesomely awesome.
ok,i know that's not a word by yeah.
HE IS!
he's so passionate and knowledgeable that he inspired me instantly.
i wanna be like him,
to be able to speak in public,
not with bull shit but pure wisdom.
okay,
my brain won't co operate any more.
so,
its pacing time and see you tomorrow readers!!
at home perhaps? :)
i am tired,both mentally and physically.
and in a certain manner,
i feel contented by this tiredness.
weird huh?
but after being too free,
being exhausted feels good.
cause you now you have pushed yourself to the limit.
tired physically cause i swam for an hour today,
not much,
but really an achievement considering my stamina.
tired mentally due to debate.
it was MIND BOGGLING.
i did not even debate and i feel overwhelmed already.
our mentor is greatly awesomely awesome.
ok,i know that's not a word by yeah.
HE IS!
he's so passionate and knowledgeable that he inspired me instantly.
i wanna be like him,
to be able to speak in public,
not with bull shit but pure wisdom.
okay,
my brain won't co operate any more.
so,
its pacing time and see you tomorrow readers!!
at home perhaps? :)
do you know why an orchestra is awesome?
imagine 80 people sitting down or standing up,
in a slight semicircle..
that make 80 different minds,
filled with 80 different thoughts and 80 different response rates..
that make 160 eyes and 160 hands,
eyes fixed on the conductors,
hands poised ready on various positions on various instruments.
all 80 people sit straight backed,only half of the chair occupied.
ready to blow,bow or hit when its time.
the conductor waves his hands,
and we play.
At the exact time,
creating harmony in music,
complementing each other,
supporting the others,
emphasizing their beauty and
covering up their flaws.
do you know how many times we practice that one bar to get it right?
from pitching to rhythm.
do you know how much we time we sacrificed trying to get that one phrase right?
the pain and tears are all worth it,
when you hear the audience gasp when the first note is stuck.
when we finally,finally get that crucial part right on the night of our performance.
the exhilaration of playing in perfect harmony,80 minds synchronizing at once.
The pride we feel when one of our members gets their solo right.
an orchestra is when 80 souls unite,
and aim for that one goal,
to produce music.
It is a story of friendship and even more than that,
its a story of teamwork,
of discipline,
of rushing from the dining hall to the studio just to warm up,
to be 5 minutes earlier so that practices can be extended for that 5 minutes.
A tale of 80 people realizing their love for music,
and are eager to share it with the world.
Now tell me,
how is that not awesome?
imagine 80 people sitting down or standing up,
in a slight semicircle..
that make 80 different minds,
filled with 80 different thoughts and 80 different response rates..
that make 160 eyes and 160 hands,
eyes fixed on the conductors,
hands poised ready on various positions on various instruments.
all 80 people sit straight backed,only half of the chair occupied.
ready to blow,bow or hit when its time.
the conductor waves his hands,
and we play.
At the exact time,
creating harmony in music,
complementing each other,
supporting the others,
emphasizing their beauty and
covering up their flaws.
do you know how many times we practice that one bar to get it right?
from pitching to rhythm.
do you know how much we time we sacrificed trying to get that one phrase right?
the pain and tears are all worth it,
when you hear the audience gasp when the first note is stuck.
when we finally,finally get that crucial part right on the night of our performance.
the exhilaration of playing in perfect harmony,80 minds synchronizing at once.
The pride we feel when one of our members gets their solo right.
an orchestra is when 80 souls unite,
and aim for that one goal,
to produce music.
It is a story of friendship and even more than that,
its a story of teamwork,
of discipline,
of rushing from the dining hall to the studio just to warm up,
to be 5 minutes earlier so that practices can be extended for that 5 minutes.
A tale of 80 people realizing their love for music,
and are eager to share it with the world.
Now tell me,
how is that not awesome?
..the "I Wants"
..i want a perfect wedding..
..to the perfect man..
..i want my family to be with me forever..
..i want to travel the world with them,giving them the best things that life has to offer..
..i want adorable,loving children..
..i want to be a great lawyer..
..i want a perfect house..
i want to get first class honours..
i want to be a good debater..
i want to impress people..
i want to dance professionally..
i want to live a happy life..
i want..
i want..
&
i want some more..
.
.
.
.
.
.
but guess what?
Jesus knows.
& more importantly,
he knows what i need.
my idea of what i want,
may not be His plan for me.
so,
i'l take whatever He gives me.
because He loves me more then i know myself.
He knows my limits.
Sometimes,
your knight in shining armor,
May just be a lost peasant in tin foil ;)
my first aural presentation in MMU,
and i suppose it went pretty well.
My group consisted of me, yee sin, yik wai,fedrick and jackson.
all did their part well and the exhilaration after it was all over was immensely satisfying.
it may just be a small,insignificant presentation,
but in a way it meant a lot.
Being able to convey a message across,
capturing the attention of an entire room :)
i guess i miss speaking and performing onstage.
I have never been much of debater as i am yet to feel secure speaking entirely spontaneously.
I prefer being given some time to arrange my thoughts before speaking.
oh well,
it will be something that i have to learn eventually.
but it was a good presentation,
satisfying :)
way to go team!!
and i suppose it went pretty well.
My group consisted of me, yee sin, yik wai,fedrick and jackson.
all did their part well and the exhilaration after it was all over was immensely satisfying.
it may just be a small,insignificant presentation,
but in a way it meant a lot.
Being able to convey a message across,
capturing the attention of an entire room :)
i guess i miss speaking and performing onstage.
I have never been much of debater as i am yet to feel secure speaking entirely spontaneously.
I prefer being given some time to arrange my thoughts before speaking.
oh well,
it will be something that i have to learn eventually.
but it was a good presentation,
satisfying :)
way to go team!!
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