and now for a proper post

hello people!
i'm back! (As in back in melaka (-_-'')
and this weekend back home has been an,urm,eventful one i suppose.

1stly,
i got a shock of my life when i saw papa walking like that,
and an even bigger shock when i saw the wounds on his legs.
man,
i just hate seeing people i love get hurt.
sometimes i just wish all the pain would be inflicted on me instead.
do.not.like.seeing.them.in.pain.

*Jesus,pls take care of them okay? i promise i'll be extra good.deal?*

2ndly,
i got to drive around a lot.
mostly because i didn't want papa to strain his leg.
and it was actually rather hilarious,
to see the expression on my brother's face every time i said i'll drive.
he would go like..
*huh?!! u drive ah jie?*
haha, i'm not so bad a driver already right jo? :P

3rdly,
me and brother got new phones.
yeah,
they are the cheaper versions of the originals,
but who cares?
both of us are happy enough.
we were brought up to appreciate the intrinsic value instead of just the monetary value :)

4thly,
one must remind me not to watch Grey's Anatomy..
or any other hospital sorta shows anymore.
I was practically in tears after yesterday's episode.
I must have looked rather silly yesterday,
sitting in the dark,hugging my pillow with tears welling up in my eyes.
something about yesterday's episode just reminded me how very fragile life is.
How unexpected things can turn out to be,
how beautiful things can be,
yet how ugly and scary they can turn out.

something one of the characters said yesterday totally struck out on me,

*in med school,they teach us a zillion lessons on how to avoid death,
but not one lesson teaches us how to carry on living*

this is the main reason that kept me from pursuing medicine.
yeah,
i usually say its because its time consuming and doctors rarely have a life,i'm a family person and stuff...
but the truth is,
all those i can handle.

i just can't stand death and seeing people suffer.
i just can't.
i despise it.
i fear it.
i fear it from the very core of my heart.

my biggest fear is death,
not the death of my own (yeah,i know this sounds selfish)
but the death of any one of my family members or loved ones.
i fear the permanent separation death would cause.
i may have the strength to get up again after every failure,
but this,
i may not have the courage to face.
my family is too big a part of me for me to let go.
My dad,mom and brother.
They are practically the reason of my existence and being.
i refuse to accept that one day,
that the day would come that we may no longer be together.
i cannot imagine what life may be without them.

every night when i pray,
i'll start with
"Dear God,please keep my family away from harm,danger,pain and separation"
those are the words that form on my lips.
but deep inside my heart,
i beg Him for more time with my family,
i tell Him i still have so much more to do for them.

I want them to live a pretty life,
I want to bring them traveling,
I want to offer the best things in life.

In order for me to be able to do that,
I need time.
More time.
And health,for them.

i know i sound melodramatic and all,
but the truth is,
I'm afraid that when i take things for granted,
that when I let my guard down,
and forget to pray,
The Lord may take someone away from me as a punishment..
a person that i love.

He wouldn't do that now would He?

Jesus,please don't.