dying

Those who know me well will know, my biggest fear in life is loss.

Not so much the fear of losing in a competition,
more of the the loss of a dear one.
My aunt's funeral yesterday in particular hit me real hard.
She was an amazing mother, and she had the chance to watch her children grow up,

attain success and have children of their own.

Even then, 

her passing hit them hard.

We all know for sure that she's up there in heaven, detached from pain and suffering.
They saw what their mother had to endure.
Deep down inside, a reluctant part of them recognized relief that the agony has stopped.
but that does not stop anyone from missing her.
from loving her.
for being so lost by her absence.
that does not stop grief from hitting them like a tsunami of emotions.
to see the white coffin bearing the woman who raised and loved them being buried forever.
to know that they'll never be able to hear her voice ever again.

It was their tears that truly made me afraid.
After the final hymm was sung at home, the elder son was weeping.
The daughters had to go behind, to wipe away their tears and give comforting smiles to their own children.
The youngest son had the biggest challenge, to speak about his mother in church.
It took so very many deep breaths, and so many pauses to finish the tribute.
"... She is in the air, she is with us with every breath we take, every step we take..."
Grown men crying; that's a sight you'll never be able to erase.
Because you know,
deep down inside,
he's still that child that will miss his mother forever.

When will one ever be ready to lose their mother/father?

How does one prepare?

When will any child be able to say I will be fine without you?

How long before breathing becomes easy again?

How long before memories can be recalled without tears in your eyes?

Does the pain ever go away?

Losing someone that has been there all your life will never come easy.

It rips you apart.

It tramples upon your heart and stomps upon it.

So we pray.

We pray for strength and courage to carry on.

We pray for eternal rest to be granted upon her.

We pray that the grieving family may find comfort in Christ.

We pray that those around us will appreciate each other more.

We pray that trivial things would not stand in the way of good relationships.

We pray,

because time is limited. We never know, we really don't ever know.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: ² a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; ³ a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; ⁴ a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance