you how some memories just never go away?
like certain memories that haunt you no matter how you try to make them go away?
one of these memories was the day my little brother broke his little finger
he was so young, about 3 or 4.
and till this very day i still blame myself for it.
some nights i find myself crying when i think of it.

we were outside,
playing.
our neighbor had a bicycle.
i put my hand on the gear.
and my brother put his because he saw me doing it.
and my neighbor's son peddled.
and my brother started crying.
in pain
it was my fault because i saw him putting his hand in,
knowing there is danger.
but i didn't say a thing.
i just watched and it happened before anyone could react.

i am so so sorry.
i know writing this down won't change a thing,
won't erase his pain.
i guess its more for me.

i'm so sorry jon, i wish it was me instead.