::fear::

fear is such a scary presence..it suffocatres you..you become paralyzed and unable to think..n fear is excatly what i am experincing now..not one of my favourite emotions..

results are around the corner and it is certainly giving me a heart attack..blergh.my brain is filled with what ifs at the moment.what if i dun do well? what if in the midst of A's a B emerges? what if i do well but don't get a scholarship? what if my mum sponsors me and have not much left for my brother? what if i study law and when i graduate i find myself jobless?..these questions are really scary man..overall, i think i did quite well in my spm..yeah..if it was the basic A1 and A2 thingie,i'd be fine..but this A+ stuff is driving me crazy.Like literally.

My parents would always say,its okay, you've done your best. But being in kys for 5 years, i realized that "giving your best" is not enough. It is achieving that matters. And that mindset makes me tires,mentally and emotionally.

One thing that has changed in me is my ability to accept defeat. I used to get up again so easily,when i was younger..because ive always done well, and always been on top. Being in kys has somewhat brusied my ego, badly. Starting from my disability to perform well in track events during sports day, my confidence level was crushed way beyong the 0 point and altho i succeeded in many ways in the end, my confiodence never actually came back,fully. I fear failure, i fear humiliation and i fear being a burden to my parents. Ifear and i really fear.What should i do?