Take good care of yourself because I would like to grow old with you.

5 Things I Would Like To Tell My Future Love

APR. 21, 2014 

By CHARM VERGARA

1. Go on as many adventures as possible.

I hope you’re going everywhere and doing everything. Hang out with your friends. Travel a lot. See as much of the world as possible. Try as many exotic foods as you can. Climb mountains. Join Fun Runs. Go diving and skydiving. Explore this beautiful world. I hope you’re starting to check off items on your bucket list because one day, when we’re finally together, I would like to hear all about it. One day you will share all those stories with me, and maybe we’ll try to do them together too.

2. Find yourself.

I hope you’re taking time to get to know yourself. Take time analyzing what you really want to do in life. Love yourself and be strong for yourself. Some people enjoy being needed but I what I like is to be wanted. You are your own person and I hope you know that you don’t need anyone to complete you. One day we will be there for each other not because we can’t live without each other but because life is much more colorful when we’re together.

3. Live your life.

I hope you’re taking risks. I hope you’re not hiding under the covers to make as few mistakes as possible. Go out and make good and bad decisions. Do not be afraid of pain or failures. They are there to make you appreciate the good things. I hope you’re as in love with life as I am. Enjoy the sweetness and bitterness of this roller coaster ride. Life is short and I don’t want you missing out on anything.

4. Take good care of yourself.

I hope you’re keeping yourself healthy and fit. Eat vegetables. Eat fruits. Hydrate. Get as much sleep as you can — more than you think you need. Exercise. Do all these for yourself and for me, and for our future kids. One day when we’re already both wrinkly, we will enjoy the senior citizen benefits together. We will play bingo and have weekly brunch with all of our children and their children. Take good care of yourself because I would like to grow old with you.

5. Pray for us.

I hope you’re praying with me every night before sleeping. I hope you’re praying for me as much as I am praying for you. Pray that we may meet. In the right place. In the right time. Because I’m hoping and praying for the same thing, too

available at http://thoughtcatalog.com/charm-vergara/2014/04/5-things-i-would-like-to-tell-my-future-love/#KtsHI0dgWjtkFpST.01

It's okay. I'm okay. We will all be okay.

Really.

I really am now.

Don't worry, please don't.

There is no need.

And I know how tiring worrying can be.

I can focus,

Which is a lovely familiar feeling.

It feels nice to fall in love with my books again.

It feel wonderful to be able to absorb information without my own thoughts interrupting myself.

I can read again, story books I mean.

I can read without losing interest.

I sleep better, longer.

I am ticking off items from my to do list,

slowly but surely I'm on my way to making it shorter.

So it's okay darlings,

Everything will be okay.

It'll be better.

I'll be better.

We'll be better.

I promise =)

MDO 2013 :)

The number of emails I sent.
The amount of tears I shed.
The amount of stress I went through
The amount of meals I skipped.
The number of times I wanted to just walk away.

But I'm glad I didn't. Because now, 

I get to count the number of hidden smiles I had watching my team trying to cheer each other up.
I get to count the number of times they told me to keep calm and trust them.
I get to count the number of times they told me not to worry, despite them being so worried themselves.
I get to count the number of "thank you for such a great tournament"
I get to count the number of people who vowed to come back next year.

There's so much more than just a debate tournament.

There is a family I never knew I could be close to.
There is pride and satisfaction that a group of people who knew close to nothing about debate ran the biggest tournament in the country.
There is true friendship, where they can see beyond the smile you try to put on your face.
There is relief that my worst nightmares are replaced with the most beautiful memories.
There was encouragement from so many people, when I really did not believe in myself anymore. 

Let me write certain things here that I never ever want to forget.


The bad :
1) When they made my boy cry. That hurt so bad. That just tore at my heart into a million pieces.
2) When they scolded my runners. That was pretty maddening too.
3) When adjs go missing.
4) When chairs and panelists are late.
5) When debaters are late.

I will remember the bad, because i need to remember how much my team went through. How much unnecessary pressure certain parties had to add onto our plate. I was just so disappointed as to how easily they shoved our faults into the spotlight. I was disappointed that supporting us wasn't their main priority. I was most disappointed that the didn't trust us enough to run it ourselves. 

But more importantly, i want to forever remember the good :)


The good :
1) "ok dun wori.. all cun.. keep calm and trust me" ~Shiva
2) " keep calm harpreet is here. don't wory"
3) vigness a.k.a baby calling me to report that all is well at the airport :)
4) Numerous debaters asking me if everything is okay, telling me that it's great, that it would be over soon.
5) Looking good during the tournament and torturing my feet at the same time.
6) walkie talkies! :)
7) The standing ovation that both my runner directors had. priceless i'm telling you, priceless!
8) The look on JP's face when her best dressed fashion show became a reality :)
9) When kanchana and myself breathe a sigh of relief after all the runners report that all debate has started after every round.
1o) "I don't think I ever saw you resting. In fact, you were holding a walkie-talkie and going around to deal with tournament concerns the whole time. Truly, a humble and exemplary leader! Don't worry, we will probably get to talk more in future tournaments! Seeing how much effort you put into your responsibilities was more than enough"
11) people actually participating in the games we had during break night. and the fact that they enjoyed bowling :) 
12) " i knocked two doors at the same time you know. until my hand also want to break already"
13) Laughing at stupid things in the tabs room in between rounds.
14) Having people dressed in their cultural best during the grand finals night :)

Thank you so much for all your effort lovely people.
Thank you for the support you gave me.
Thank you for all the jokes,and the laughter, and the crazy ideas.
Thank you for being there, thank you for staying.
Thank you so much for making me believe I could do this.
Cheers guys!
Let's go for an amazinggggggg appreciation soon :)

If I shout loud enough, would u hear me?

Growing up in an Asian community, there's always the pressure of achieving perfection. Excellent grades, excellent degree,  excellent pay, excellent husband and eventually having excellent kids to continue the cycle. Excellence has always been the mantra from day one.

Now don't get me wrong. This constant aim for the best has done me good. Excelling in the things you do will open up doors of opportunities. It makes things easier in the long run. Less rocky winding roads and more smooth straight paths.

And then I entered high school. This was the place that demanded perfection. Where signs of weakness are condemned, failure is severely punished. We were constantly told to be flawless, and undeniably scores of excellent studies.

But there were side effects. Side effects that became one with our being because we ignored the flaring symptoms. We created masks to conceal our pain and our fears. We became so self dependant because opening up meant revealing a weak spot for attack. We couldn't, wouldn't and blatantly refused to ask for help even when we were clearly cracking under the pressure. We pushed harder, stubbornly believing that if we held one for one more day, things would miraculously be alright. We knew that it was not a feat that would be accomplished alone. But we were just too damned proud to ask for help.

Sometimes, willpower worked. We exhale sighs of relief. Other times, we were broken.Shards of confidence n pieces of our heart scattered all over the floor. And we continue shielding these wounds from the world behind a bright smile, silent tears at night and a stream of vows promising to do better next time.

Schools and education in general work in a funny way. Despite the thousands of ways they have been  taught to achieve perfection, there wasn't a single lesson on how to deal with flaws Not one.

We were placed on the tallest pedestals when we did well, but we were left to rough it out when things got hard. It's part of the learning process they say.

Well I now plead to you, educators whom I know wish for nothing but the best for us. Teach us the lessons we need the most. Teach us to ask for help. Teach us that imperfection is acceptable. Teach us to put up the warning lights when we are sinking. Teach us that asking for help is acceptance that we can't do it alone. Teach us that silence won't solve the problem, asking for help will. Teach us that you will be there for us even when we dont deserve it, and that you will be the help we were looking for. Teach us, sir, that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but that of humility and strength.

Ask for help because you deserve to be rescued. Ask for help and you will receive. Ask for help even when you don't know what you need. It's okay to be tired. It's okay to feel exhausted. Its okay to want to cry. So ask. Help will come, and things will not be so bad any longer. Ask.

突然很想要哭。
太多我控制不了的事情。
好害怕。
好累。
很烦。
urgh.

Asking for help

Today i learn that asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

Asking for help mean several things.
1) You acknowledge that you are human and cannot do everything perfect
2) Acknowledgement that you are exhausted to the core
3) Most importantly, help will come.

Once i admitted that i was having trouble,
Paula cut down the number of rooms booked.
Sarah and Sheryl came to the rescue.
Arul called and Thilagen was onto helping me contact Indian teams.
Val was on to contacting Philipino and some north east asian teams.
Robin onto the Sinagporeans (altho he directed them to the wrong email, lol)
And hyewon was on the north east asian teams since several days ago.
Even got pho to bug APU :P From half a world away, I must say that it is quite a feat :D

hehe.

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 2 Tim 1:7 (AMP)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:28-29

Ask and He promised to give.

Ask and He will guide you.

Ask, and you will receive.

Just ask.

Even when you don't know what you need, or what you are asking for, 

Just ask.

And believe what you need will come rolling your way.

Blind Faith

I think that I have been abusing this phrase a little too much lately.

But it is true.

There are currently so many many things that are out of my control.

So many many things that I can choose to stress over and worry about.

Like how to make people pay for MDO.

Like how that two man team wants to debate in an Asian Parliamentary style debate.

Like how people keep on telling me I need quality adjs to make a quality tournament.

Like whether I want to stay in debate or venture into something else.

Like whether I should hold on to the familiar to let go and see where the winds take me.

Like flight tickets, and who goes to UADC next semester 

Like how to make these pimples go away.

Like getting that spot for the subject next semester.

Like who my mooting partner is going to be.

Like where I should intern and whom I should chamber with.

Like how to make myself stand out.

Seriously, I can go on all day.

So I choose blind faith.

I choose to close my eyes and take a leap of faith.

I choose to trust God even in the most bizzare situations.

Because if He can't deal with it,

I don't think I will be able to.

I am scared.

I am worried.

I do not want to fail.

I do not want to look bad.

But I am calm.

Because He has my back.

Because He is Godly while I am just human and weak.

and because He has promised.

and because He makes things work out in the most amazing ways.

Amen!