Dear Jesus,

it's been awhile since i last called.

I'm sorry for putting you in the backseat,

when really, You're the one who has been driving all along.

This two weeks are going to be trying.

Midterms, assignments, replacement midterms and debate.

Without You, I won't be able to make it.

Thank You for helping me out with the interview.

Thank You for helping me out with the legal method assignments.

I am still keeping my fingers crossed.

Please keep me in Mind.

I have learnt to be less fearful.

But as human,

I still fear.

There is this double speech thing at training tomorrow.

Guide me through it please?

Thank You so much for being there.

Thank You for helping my brother through his exams.

Thank You for making my mother feel better.

Thank You for the funny movie-time i shared with my dad yesterday.

Thank You, for everything.

When life brings you to your knees,

do you realize that you are in the perfect position to pray?

Well, 

I'm currently in that time of a semester.

Where the assignment and tutorials keep on rolling in.

Endlessly.

And the degree of difficulty seems like too much to bear.

The research it demands.

The interviews that are pending.

The wait for people to reply,

All the while pleading that they would take the time to read the email.

The worries about things that are so non-existent

The drama presentation yet to come.

How?

So much to think about.

How to write the script?

How to make these people work?

How do i make them care?

And the midterms.

Taiwan is like my lifelong dream.

To actually go overseas, heavily sponsored.

But to think of the amount of things waiting for me to come back to.

Urgh.

So this is the time of the semester.

Just like the time i was worried about the business project.

And the English drama presentation.

And Madam Maizatul's presentation.

This time,

once again i'm driven to my knees with worry.

About the tenant issue disturbing my dad.

About mama's blood pressure.

About ah jo's stress for the exams.

and all the assignments and worry about marks.

with certain lecturers being scary.

Once again i find myself in the perfect position to pray.

And once again, 

The Lord has the same reply.

" All will be well My Child. Believe that i am the Maker of Miracles. Believe that I can do the Impossible. You do your part and leave the difficult stuff to me. Pray and Believe. Rest in the faith that I will make things right"

And once again i'm leaving it into his Hands.

Pray people.

It has never failed.

Paper Stars

Sometimes i wish so hard that i could be the on giving you scholarship advice.

I wish so hard that i could be the one helping you through your interviews.

I wish so hard,

that things could be different.

So that i can stand a little taller in front of you when you tell me about your plans for the future.

I think that may be if i had worked that much harder.

If i had pushed myself that much further.

Slept that much less.

Than maybe, maybe i would not be in this state.

This applies to all three of you.

Jon, Fif and Mi.

I wish that i could have made you that much prouder of me.

Someone that you can look up to and turn to in this matter.

For now,

all i can do is to continue folding these stars.

Each one representing my love,hopes and dreams for you.

All of you are gonna be great.

You just don't know it yet.

So let me fold these pieces of paper.

One by one,

Wishing, hoping 

that it would be enough.

4 days to go.

All the best my loves.

you don't just quit.

you don't give up just because it's getting rough.

you fight.

you hold on.

you pester.

you persist.

you hope and pray that you're not overdoing it.

you do it based on gut instincts.

you answer when you feel the distress signals.

you make way when you feel that it's alright.

you smile and you cry to yourself.

you give.

you take a little.

you pray.

you hope.

you bargain.

and plead with God.

and just desperately believe that you're doing it right.

in the end,

you just hope for the very best.

Praise to the Lord,
Consti was okay too :)

and millions of thanks to St Joseph of Cupertino.
For those who are taking exams,

google his prayers,

he will definitely bless you.

Let's just hope i pass tomorrow's paper.

and then i'll give myself a day off :D

today is the second day of the war.
once done,i'd be one step nearer.

there's always this fear before going in for an exam.

the fear of the unknown.

the fear of difficulty.

the fear of forgetting the important facts.

the fear of failing to suit the examiner's wants.

and once again He tells me,

if you have no fear, how do I show you that I am the Provider and the Comforter?

have faith in Me.

I have NOT given you a spirit of fear.

trust in the Lord and He will guide you.

trust in Him and He will take fear away.

Do your best and leave the rest to Him.

He will know what you want,

and more importantly what you really need.

Amen.

i do not want to be the 5 minute girl.

i wanna be able to to fill up my 7 minutes,

and be good at it.

Lord,

please grant me the courage to move on,

even when it all seems bleak and dark.

Amen.

and today Jessy is a happy girl.
Praise the Lord,
with Him, all is possible =)
Amen!

miracles.

its a miracle tht i'm typing this from home.

i did not have a bus ticket yesterday but the driver helped me out.

its a miracle our fan cleaning services reached the amount we have now.

i thought it would be far less.

its a miracle what shelly told me yesterday.

a week ago i was worried sick about it.

its a miracle that our drama story line was approved,

the lecturer has crazy expectations.

nothing in this world is easy.

yet nothing is impossible.

sometimes it feel likes the ray of sun is never going to shine upon you.

that is when you must sit down in the darkness,

and pray.

i know some of you must be sick and tired of seeing me type about prayers and Jesus and about how awesome He is.

Well,

He is.

Praying was the only thing that helped me this far through semester 3.

Me telling the world about His greatness is the least possible thing i can do.

PRAY.

believe.

and GIVE THANKS.

to the members of my drama and business group,

if you are reading this,

PLEASE STAY HEALTHY AND WELL.

we will survive.

He loves me.

He spoils me.

He gives me what i need, and sometimes also what i want.

i am now afraid.

but i trust in Him.

He will make way for me.

He always does. :)

cheers to a better week ahead ppl!

Jesus,

i am scared.

presentations and critical thinking marks would come out in full next week.

may everything fall into place.

Amen

i pray for a husband that understand my love and devotion for my family
i pray for a husband that loves his own family
i pray for a husband that loves his younger siblings because that means he'll make a great father
i pray for a husband who loves God above anything else
i pray for a husband that is Asian but loves like a Western man :D
i pray for a husband that will love me even if i put on weight
i pray for a husband that would turn to me to share his problems, not to turn me away.
i pray for a husband that believes in miracles and surprises and little joys of the world
i pray for a husband that would roll with me in the grass and count the stars till we fall asleep.
i pray for a husband that would understand if i burst into tears after a long day and hug me tight
i pray for a husband that will help me see that its okay to be who i am.

i think Jesus is listening very hard to all my prayers.
So long list some more :D

and just before i close my eyes,
i thank the lord for this beautiful holiday..
i am well rested and ready to face the battle zone again.
for the comforts of home and company of a wonderful family,
is the best kind of therapy you can ever get.

Jesus always answers your prayers.
Yesterday Fuad texted me and told me our video was corrupted.
all i remembered thinking was,
Jesus,pls pls pls pls just let everything be okay.
and it was.
even better than okay.
than i asked Jesus to reduce my group's competition.
and He did.
In a way that i did not expect tho ==
and then i asked Him to help me for the Q and A session.
He did.
We had difficult questions but we gave acceptable answers.
THANK YOU DADDY!! :))
i try my best not to ever doubt You ever again :))

hello Jesus :)

im sorry i've been neglecting you.

I've been enjoying myself at home,

staring at the tv and laptop's screen,

and burying my nose in books in between.

i seek courage and faith,

that things will be okay.

You will take care of me,

i know.

when i feel like giving up,

please remind me why i need to get up.

i love you!

and thank you once again :)

the sort of family i have in mmu.

it all started with yee sin.
and it grew into a pretty complicated family tree :D

okay,
here we go.

yee sin is the daughter.
i'm her mom.
lim kuan is her father.
but i'm not lim kuan's wife!

jian liang is my brother,
which makes yee sin his niece
and jian liang an ah suk!

and there's yik wai and aaron mark,
both yee sin's brothers.
but they are not my or lim kuan's sons.

and reagan think's im his elder sister,
which makes him jian liang's xiao ti,
and yeesin's other ah suk?

and there's liza and shien lin,
which are sisters to both me and yee sin.
which does not exactly fit does it?
cause yee sin is supposed to be my daughter.

and of course,
aaron heng is the family pet :)

ah well,
we're simply one big happy *complicated* family.
Praise the Lord :)

These are basically the people that make me whole here.
They are whom i'm proud to call family.
They would be the ones i turn to,
They would be the ones i support.
They would be the ones who would pull through another 5 year phrase of my life.


How do you describe these people?
crazy.
fun.
wonky.
different.

"diverse but united", quoting lim kuan.

they are the ones whom you can trust,
who would be there after one frantic phone call,
who would jump from the 18th floor if the lift's taking too long,
who would erase those tears and put back the smile,
who celebrates every little victory and mourn every little lost,
who walks as this big loud group to habeeb and joke with the workers there.
who attends each others presentations and performances,
although it really is just a small thing.

I don't usually gush about people whom i know for just a short period of time.
This may as well be an exception :)
Jesus brought me to them when i was at my lowest.
He showed me there were still people who cared.
My the Lord bless my "family" here, and take care of us.
Amen.


*okay fine,ill go do my persuasive speech nw*

"God uses pain as the raw material to create our beauty"

deacon from St Theresa's church :)

it means attacking our fears head on!
it means welcoming the pain and tears!
it means trusting that He knows better!

we're only human,
we often forget.
That's why we need to pray,as a reminder to ourselves.

Hello,
i have a small request.
I do not need money,or food, or shelter, or a plastic surgery.
I just need your prayers,
all of your prayers,
whoever is reading this.
Doesn't matter what religion you practice.
Because i believe in the power of prayers.
He listens,and He Listens hard.
I'm worried,scared and confused.
The weeks ahead are hectic.
Deadlines need to be met.
People need to be dealt with.
Revisions need to be done.
And my emotions are more vulnerable when fatigue sets in.
I become more impatient
So,
i need your prayers,
Thank you,
you are in mine too.

its music that brings out the worst and best in me.
it makes me feel happy like a child on Christmas morning,
yet it can make me as emotional,as err.. emotional la.
i dunno what's with me,
my brain is refusing to cooperate with my fingers tonight.

meh,

but aaron's first song nearly reduced me to tears.
for real.
i was that close to breaking down.
i told u,
music just has this thing for unlocking my deepest secrets.
especially songs like that.

Daddy,
i suddenly feel tired.
Are You sure i can bear this cross and bring it where You intend me to?
Cause sometimes i feel like i'm overdoing things.
Like taking too much notice of things that are too little.
What is it that You actually want me to do?
How is it that i let Your will be done in the best way?
Help, I need You.