This is the sappy side of me.

Yeah.
As most of you should probably already know,

Jess is a very emotional girl.

She tries to change it, but, oh well.

She's especially emotional when it comes to good byes.
.
.
.

.

And the funny thing is that this time, it's not even my good bye to say.

It's like an indirect one.
Anyway,

i went back to my high school today.
And it was pretty emotional.

For me at least.

They have grown,

oh how they have grown.

From the kids who barely knew how to carry themselves,
now soon to be scholars, talking about economics and world issues

The same people who once depended on you for advice are now in turn giving them.
Once heartbroken over a breakup, now happy in new relationships. 

Once defiant and almost ignorant students,

Now captains and student leaders.

Once the adiks and the budaks,

now in turn becoming the abangs and kakaks.

Realizing that they are leaving and having a future of their own somehow freaks me out a little.

I can imagine it.

It'll be scholarships, going overseas, meeting cooler new people.

and somehow,

that kicks in my insecure side.

for that moment,i felt so small.

what if they have awesome lives and forget the existence of this one,

very ordinary,somewhat naggy kakak?

omg that makes me feel so sappy.

looking through the old photos.

old conversations playing in my mind.

there used to be a time where opening my locker was such a thrill.

walks from the locker to prep were so amusing.

being in the studio was just paradise.

they are so matured now.

they understand things so much better now.

how did they turn into such adults?

since when problem solving and shouldering responsibilities came to them as second nature?

is there still a role left for me to play?

proud.

so very proud.

when my seniors came back and told me i have grown,

that i have changed.

i could not comprehend.

i was just who i was,

just learning as i go along.

now i get it.

i see it in their eyes.

in their choice of words.

in the way the juniors treat them with such respect.

they have taken over my role,

just as i took over the role of my seniors.

what is this that i feel?

pride.

love.

sentimentality. 

remind me,

why were we in such a rush to grow up?

why were you kids in such a rush to grow up?

akak sayang awak semua sangat2.

tak kesah betapa lama akak tak call,

tak kesahlah kalau awak tak balas message.

kalau awak awak nie lupe dekat akak sekalipun,

akk sentiasa doakan awk,

doakan awk sihat,

doakan awk berjaya.

doakan awk sentiasa bahagia.

this goes to each and every one of you.

just,

be good.

and be great.

love,

k.jess.

:)

it's time for change :)

tonight,

i broke all the rules i set for myself.

its okay,

will do better tomorrow.

it is important to remember that we are only human.

when we make mistakes,

try not to beat yourself up too badly.

do something, fail.

do it again,fail better.

here's to a more fulfilling tomorrow =)

Little life lessons learnt

Miracles DO happen.
What else can explain the fact that i found my ixora card on the dark walkway , just when i decided to look down?
perhaps it's a prayer answered. :)
ah,
many thoughts in my mind.
but looking forward to tomorrow! :)

On this day, God wants you to know

... that living your life as good as you are able to, is good enough. You don't need to be superhuman, and you don't need to be perfect. Simply live the best you can, and God will take care of the rest.

when the brain starts thinking too much,
it becomes exhausting.
when you worry about things that are beyond your control,
it's exhausting.
control what you can, do what you can and do it well.
one step at a time,
it'll be worth it one day.

Put Me in Coach

Grey's Anatomy- Season 8 Episode 7.
It's the kind of episode that i wait for.
The kind of episode that give you the warm fuzzy feeling.
Where everyone is happy, and some even get a little drunk.
Alex was a darling.
All the couples were happy, well almost all.
Meredith and Christina friendship.
Webber being chiefly.
It was a pretty episode.

of results and role fulfillment.

i'd say that the 14th of october 2011 has been the most stressful day of my whole second semester.
well, there was the fact that results were supposed to be released while i was in the middle of debate.

and there was also the fact that MMUM was under the threat of being forfeited from the first round due to bad traffic.

but praise the Lord,

that was not the case.

we arrived right on time, did not get fined and even got fair results for the first round :)

Results sapped the life out of me.

I could not sign in and decided to go to sleep because he next day was filled with debates.
but guess what?

both sheri and i didn't get a good night's sleep.
LOL.
but overall i would say that i did well enough.

it was okay, really :)
but i wanna do better this sem!
so thank God!

and about debate.
Sherilyn has been the most awesome partner.
She has taught me so much, and i've learnt so much too.
the most important thing that i realized is that i need to learn to come up with my own extensions so that she can be the most awesome whip that she already is.
but we managed to enter the quarter finals,

breaking 9th and with 10 out of 15 points.

which was okay for me.
i promise to do better next time.

The motions in KDU Pro Ams were not easy at all,

but it was a good learning experience?

but all in all i hate open motions.

gah!

the motion for the finals were :
This House Will Allow Individuals to Have Sex With the Corpse of their dead Spouses.
haha,

gross right?

i know :D
but it was an interesting debate nontheless.

okay, gotta go hotel hunting for law night.

sem 2 starts officially for me tomorrow,

so wish me luck! :)